Hey, don't be hard on yourself like that. Sometimes things happen or don't happen, and we don't have a clue why. Time can pass so quickly and we can lose ourselves so easily.

But that doesn't diminish you in any way. I know what I'm talking about. I lost the best years of my life, and no one will ever understand or have some sympathy for it. People are too quickly to judge or to give weird "advices" that feel much more like a kick than anything else. Our lives are so complex and can't be reduced to simple encouragement words.

I'd advise you to explore yourself a bit more. Perhaps you're restraining yourself somehow, perhaps you had a too restrictive environment, perhaps you have some undiagnosed condition (that was my case), perhaps something else. Sometimes we try to live life forcing ourselves to be what others expect of us, and we will fail so miserably, but we can live as who we are, and things start to improve progressively.

I hope I didn't confuse you even more.