this post was submitted on 17 Mar 2026
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MJ calls what happened to her in Zion national park “small ‘T’ trauma”. She knows women have experienced worse from their partners. But she still feels the anger of being left behind on a hike by her now ex. “It brings up stuff in my body that maybe I have not cleared out yet,” she said.

Five years ago, MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive – traveled from Los Angeles to Utah for an adventure getaway. MJ, who is 38 and works in PR, was looking forward to exploring Zion’s striking scenery; its vast sandstone canyon and pristine wading trails were on the list. But on the morning of their big hike, MJ was not feeling well. She could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.

As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.

When she caught up at the top of the mountain, they took a picture together. Then her partner hiked down the mountain with a woman he had met on the way up, leaving MJ to finish by herself. They broke up shortly after that trip. (MJ asked to be referred to by her initials for the sake of speaking openly about a past relationship.)

Last month, MJ opened TikTok and heard the phrase “alpine divorce”, a label she now attaches to her experience in Zion.

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[–] orioler25@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Men on lemmy are 100% the socialist boyfriends who don't do the dishes, you can tell by what they support and get pissed at. Orange man bad because fat and stupid? They love it and it makes them confident they aren't one of the baddies. Patriarchy is bad and I don't like men because of how it socializes them? They correctly call me evil.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 0 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Have you ever tried NOT generalizing 50% of the population? Surely deep down you know that's not the right thing to do?

[–] orioler25@lemmy.world -2 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

I can't stress enough how much I don't give a shit about potentially being unfair to men who think it's a moral injustice to point out that liberals are still misogynistic even if they think orange man bad. Maybe you should look deep down and get lost up your own ass.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 2 points 8 hours ago

They really get upset when women tell them we don’t care.

Spend all this time shouting down at us and telling us we’re stupid for choosing the wrong men? Ok, we won’t choose any of you fuckers.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world -1 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

You are being unfair to men who do not fit that description, because you are making a generalization about all men. I don't understand why you would choose to be hostile rather than understand your actions.

[–] orioler25@lemmy.world 0 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (1 children)

Yes, you don't understand and yet presume you know better. That's the problem.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)
[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today -1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Why? Men don’t listen to women as it is and it’s not our job to educate you.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world -2 points 8 hours ago (2 children)

This is ridiculous. Please review the thread; this is not a matter of education. I am giving orioler the chance to explain themselves after directly insulting me by telling me to "get lost up my own ass" because I believe everyone should have the opportunity to explain themself. If they are angry, they may have a point even if they choose to express it in an unacceptable way. If they do not want to take the opportunity, that is their choice.

[–] orioler25@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Giving me a chance, jfc dude how gracious of you. Howbout you go to a therapist and explain why you're like this?

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

No therapist can defeat me

explain why you're like this

Well I guess it's "not my job to educate you", is it?

[–] orioler25@lemmy.world 0 points 5 hours ago

I think you misunderstanding the joke, making light of the reality that you're clearly in need of some introspection, and then trying to throw back a comment someone else made at me which only applies given that misunderstanding just bowties this whole thing with you. You're supposed to try to explain it to yourself through therapy bud; I already know why men are like you and do not need it explained.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 0 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Orioler’s parent comment is that they’re happy they’re not attracted to men and you got personally offended by that.

You can absolutely get lost up your own ass for making their personal relief at not being attracted to men a personal slight against all men.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world -1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Your reading of their comment is valid but seems pretty inaccurate from my point of view. Their parent comment is primarily about the nature of men:

Men on lemmy are 100% the socialist boyfriends who don’t do the dishes, you can tell by what they support and get pissed at.

And they also noted that this affects their attraction. I truly do not care who they are attracted to, so I was responding only to the generalized attack on mens' character.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

It’s about the nature of men on Lemmy, not men in general.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world -1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

That's true, but it doesn't change my point that I don't think generalizing such a large population is helpful

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today -1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Women don't have to be thankful or grateful for men at all times.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world -1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

You took offense at one person saying that they're grateful they're not attracted to men.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world -1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

That's not what I took offense to, and I don't believe it was the primary point of their comment either.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 1 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

orioler25 Every day I’m thankful that I’m not romantically interested in men.

Velma So many downvotes from pouty boys hahaha

orioler25 Men on lemmy are 100% the socialist boyfriends who don’t do the dishes, you can tell by what they support and get pissed at. Orange man bad because fat and stupid? They love it and it makes them confident they aren’t one of the baddies. Patriarchy is bad and I don’t like men because of how it socializes them? They correctly call me evil.

This is the full context of the conversation you replied to - if the men on Lemmy don't want to be seen as the socialist type that still harbor misogynistic ideas, then they are the ones who need to change. Not the women who are accurately observing this and are repulsed by it.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Yes, the part I took offense to was this:

Men on lemmy are 100% the socialist boyfriends who don’t do the dishes, you can tell by what they support and get pissed at.

Not anything related to how that perceived character flaw of men on lemmy makes OP feel in terms of attraction. Again, I do not care who they are attracted to and I believe the primary point of the comment was to express this negative belief of the men on this site.

My objection specifically is that I don't think this is accurate. And this is now turning into a "not all men" debate... I'm sure you have also had this argument hundreds of times so let me know if you want to give an explanation my best shot but honestly if you believe generalized statements about men are valid then I probably won't be saying anything you haven't heard before and vice versa.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 2 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

You already agreed with me that this thread shows that the men in here, on Lemmy, do not respect women's perspectives of abuse.

I've been on this earth about 40 years. I am fully aware of how most men are, not just online, but in person as well. Women's lived experiences dealing with men are often dismissed, as they are here, so I don't expect less from you to be honest.

And I say this as a woman who loves men. I have a lot of good and kind men in my life that I love dearly. But they tend to be exceptions with how they treat women. And Lemmy has continued to show me this truth.

Edit: It's actually really topical that this hit the news yesterday as well -

Labor rights activist Dolores Huerta revealed she was among women and girls who say they were sexually abused by César Chavez, the widely admired Latino icon who brought to light the struggles of farmhands while leading the United Farm Workers union.

The stunning allegations against Chavez, who died more than three decades ago, drew immediate calls to alter memorials honoring the man who in the 1960s helped secure better wages and working conditions for farmworkers and has been long revered by many Democratic leaders in the U.S.

In a statement released Wednesday, Huerta said she stayed silent for 60 years out of concern that her words would hurt the farmworker movement.

Huerta described two sexual encounters with Chavez, one where she was “manipulated and pressured” and another where she was “forced against my will.”

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

Yes, I agree that the amount of men who treat women badly or don't respect them as people or their opinions is concerningly high in this thread, and IRL as well tbh.

My argument is exclusively that expressing that sentiment by making a generalized statement about "men on lemmy" is incorrect (it does not apply to the entire group) and immoral (you are talking badly about some people who do not deserve it by applying a property of one of their identity groups to every member of that group individually). But again, "not all men" vs "too many men" has been discussed to death already so I don't think I'm really adding anything new here.

Edit: Just saw your edit. My sympathies to Dolores Huerta. Even men who do good things can be revealed to have evil within them.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 0 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

You're ignoring that we can see what the majority of men are upvoting and contributing to on Lemmy.

If even Cesar Chavez is still a man who will take from women what he wants, then why would women see a man who is a leftist as better than others?

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I'm not ignoring that, and women should not see a leftist man as significantly less potentially dangerous than any other. I'm saying that regardless of what percentage of people in an identity group have a certain quality, it is wrong to make an unqualified statement about that group, or to assume an individual within that group must have similar qualities to the average member of it. That is the very basis of why racism, sexism, anti-lgbt sentiment, even microaggressions, etc. are wrong, but it applies to men too.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

They made a generalized comment about the men on Lemmy, not men in general.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

That's true, it's kind of a grey area. I could see it being argued either way whether it's an identity group given it's defined by both identity and choice. I guess it's not? I still think it would be better not to make a generalization like that, given you will be ascribing negative qualities to people who fo not deserve it.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 0 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

If I said that the women who participate in the 4B movement by and large hate men, that is an accurate generalization.

If the men on Lemmy don't want to be seen as misogynists, then they should put in the work to comment opposite of those views and they should hold people espousing those views as accountable as they do women who are rightfully upset at being blamed for all of men's wrong-doings.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

Fair enough. I think that does happen, it's just that that doesn't eliminate the people who are making sexist comments. I do think there's a difference between someone who's a part of an ideological movement (their chosen group clearly expresses their views) and someone who is just using a particular website for various reasons (their choice to use that website does not imply general agreement with the website's views) but I see your point.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

People who make sexist comments will never be reduced to zero, but it would sure be awesome to not see those comments with dozens of upvotes.

It's the support those comments receive that lead me to believe the men on Lemmy are overwhelmingly misogynists.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Yes, those comments get too much support here. There is resistance, but not enough. Maybe I will spend a bit more effort doing that instead of arguing with people who I largely agree with. I will never entirely stop doing the latter (I believe to reach the truth I must vocally disagree with the flaws of arguments even if I agree with the premise or conclusion) but I could shift my priorities towards fighting the most egregious views first/harder.

I don't think I have much more to say here but I do appreciate this conversation. It started a bit rough but I always appreciate when someone is willing to stick it out and really discuss something.

[–] sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today -1 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

Honestly I ended up enjoying our back and forth so thank you for the conversation. Apologies that I was initially a tad hostile - this particular comment thread has been nasty.

[–] jefferyjefferson@lemmy.org -1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wahhh, somebody downvoted me!

[–] orioler25@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I can see that.