31
What if instead of the Strait of Hormuz, we call it the Strait of Hormel. Then the Muslims can't have it. (CW: meat)
(hexbear.net)
this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2026
31 points (97.0% liked)
badposting
775 readers
231 users here now
badposting is a comm where you post badly
This is not a !the_dunk_tank@hexbear.net alternative. This is not a !memes@hexbear.net alternative. This is a place for you to post your bad posts.
Ever had a really shitty bit idea? Joke you want to take way past the point of where it was funny? Want to feel like a stand-up comedy guy who's been bombing a set for the past 30 minutes straight and at this point is just saying shit to see if people react to it? Really bad pun? A homemade cringe concoction? A cognitohazard that you have birthed into this world and have an urge to spread like chain mail?
Rules:
- Do not post good posts.
- Unauthorized goodposting is to be punished in the manner of commenting the phrase "GOOD post" followed by an emoji that has not yet been used in the thread
- Use an emoticon/kaomoji/rule-three-abiding ASCII art if the rations run out
- This is not a comm where you direct people to other people's bad posts. This is a comm where you post badly.
- This rule intentionally left blank.
- If you're struck for rule 3, skill issue, not allowed to complain about it.
Code of Conduct applies just as much here as it does everywhere else. Technically, CoC violations are bad posts. On the other hand: L + ratio + get ~~better~~ worse material bozo
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
healthy kids love Hormel's New and Improved 7 lb Ball of Ham.
Throw it around like a medicine ball to work up an appetite!
--
you have subscribed to #Ham Facts.
in the US, which itself contains a sizable portion of the Global Ham Belt¹, there are legal definitions for Ham.
Country Ham: most strict, most traditional and prestigious to ham aficionados. dry-cured over long months starting in winter. final product needs no refrigeration and is intensely salty. i like salty foods, but you can actually feel your blood volume increasing the pressure on your circulatory system. ok maybe not, but you're going to want some water. kind of an apocalypse food, honestly. imperceptible moisture content, expensive per pound. some ultra traditional country hams can be priced very high per pound. jamon iberico is a super long dry-cure method from spain (18 months or some ludicrious shit) and the price per pound can range $50 - $200 USD per pound. also ludicrous.
Ham aka "City Ham" to Country Ham freaks: "wet-cured" (aka repeatedly injected with and soaked in a very salty brine), usually smoked and sweetened a bit too at the end. has to be cooked before it can be eaten, but generally cooked before sold to remove the moisture and make it kinda shelf stable. i would still keep it in a fridge. if you go to a deli and get ham sliced, this is what you're getting: a city-ham that's been smoked and cooked. Also, when somebody does an easter ham, this is probably what they bought. It is not a traditional ham, but rather it is an attempt to rapidly recreate the traditional product with modern methods so inventory can move to the plate instead of hang somewhere and actually cure.
“Ham With Natural Juices” is a "City Ham" that has 7-9 percent water added. A sus product invented by pork processors, first marketed as Ham until somebody was like, "you're just filling the thing with water and charging people for meat by the pound."
“Ham With Water Added” has up to 10 percent extra water. An even more sus product invented by pork processors. Similar to the above, but yet another attempt to sell people more water at meat prices.
“Ham and Water Product” may contain any amount of water. The true "who gives a shit" product probably invented by somebody who ended up with more money than god.
¹ the Global Ham Belt isn't really much of a belt, but it is a series of regions in similar latitudes with accomodating climates allowing the conversion of whole pork legs into a shelf-stable food source, not requiring any refrigeration. you can imagine this was a big deal before modernity. the regions of the belt represent historic food cultures that have their own traditional methods to more or less achieve a similar product. sort of a covergent culinary phenomenon thing.
I have a pack of Hormel salt pork that has been sitting in my refrigerator since the Biden administration, but there's no expiry date on the package and I feel like that should be safe to eat. Frankly, not eating it would be an insult to all the ancestors that lived pre-refrigeration. These were some pretty solid ham facts, convergent evolution in foodways is fun to learn about with the ham belt.
it's probably ok. sub 40F salted & nitrited industrial pork likely reduced microbial metabolism to near zero. if it's been opened or allowed to warm up at some point. as a raccoon-type eater, i would chew it suspiciously while glancing around in a state of vigilance and await the consequences near a place i felt comfortable having sudden diarrhea.
salt i an interesting food component. it's the only rock we eat, and we need some to survive. it doesn't show up in plants, but we can find it in the earth (and other animals). and it stops bacteria from doing its thing in high enough quantities. it makes everything taste more. and too much jacks up our circulatory system.
there's a kind of occasionally foodie douche book about salt that is otherwise totally fascinating. Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlansky. full of weird little trivia about how critical salt was to human culture since the earliest days of even pre-history. how tons of names of peoples and places are exonyms for "salt" given by peoples who traded for it and are no longer extant to people who controlled access. not to mention its relevance as a critical resource to the age of conquest and exploration, the salt packed barrels of "food" (the descriptions sound terrible - apocalypse food) that could allow crews to survive as they sailed great ocean expanses where nothing edible could be found and anything not packed in salt would be rotten. there's a lot of covergent stuff around condiment flavors that come and go and come back again over time, appearing and reappearing in different cultures.