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What about a moose?
I had a friend from the UK who planned on biking across Canada (never happened). He asked what animals he should be scared of. It wasnt the bears. Its moose.
They look goofy as fuck, yes. But they can be aggressive for seemingly no reason and fuck you up real quick. Theyre big, heavy, strong, and have a fucking weapon strapped to their head.
Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Moose.
A moose bit my sister once
Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti...
Find cover. A big tree or big rock.
Use your small size and better maneuverability to keep the cover between you and the moose.
Move from cover to cover to create distance.
If there's no cover, run like hell. Moose are faster than you, but they often stop after a short distance.
This reminds me of a story from a friend of mine who lived in Canada...he sent me texts with his car completely fucked in the middle of a two lane highway with no other cars or trees around... I asked what the hell did he hit, his response is that a moose had crashed into him, got up and just left. The entire passager side of the car looked like it had been smashed in by a big truck.
That was the day I learned that a moose is something you do not fuck with.
A bull moose weighs up to 1600 pounds and is designed for repeated frontal collisions with another 1600 pound moose.
Title of your sex tape? There's a joke in there somewhere...
Heard that, run (hopefully for cover)! Thank you, and I hope never to utilize that knowledge