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I was seven years old and was drawing some nonsense when an absolute epiphany hit me. I'm talking secret chord of David played and the gates opened to shine this one very specific seed of True Knowledge into my head. Metaphorically of course.

So, in all of my sudden and true wisdom, I sprinted up the stairs and found my parental unit. With more confidence than a popstar on blow, I proclaimed "Mom, mom! I know why all fat people are short!"

As an adult, I wish I could go to this moment in time and freeze frame my mother's expression.

"They use up all their skin!"

So yep. That's... That's the whole thing and that's the end of the pretentious writing. I was so certain. That memory is so vivid in my head. Just the absolute intensity of that eureka.