this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2026
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me_irl
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I agree it could be worded more clearly. Yet for everyone who has lived with this it is clear. Like with depression people always assume its the grand things that hold the sadness, or the madness. It leads people who haven't experienced it to say 'Just do something fun'.
Your example of raging alcoholism is a good example. You would say 'just avoid your parents when they are drunk', which is good advice, but emotionally abusive people are very adept at making amends and smoothing stuff out when they have recovered. They will be super sweet and attentive but -which is the brutal part- always switch to full drama mode when you least expect it. So you learn to pick up minute cues you can use to shield yourself from incoming emotional blows, but sometimes they still manage to surprise you when you've got your guard down.
That's why you can never feel safe around them, there might be a hair trigger going off any moment that you didn't know existed. And whilst you can easily advice people in a realtionship like that to just stay clear of those people, it most likely happens when you are a child and simply unable to just distance yourself. But even grown people still fall into the spiral of just wanting their parents to be proud of them even though they should rationally know it will never happen.
The text is very clear for those who have experienced that. It's very hard to fathom for those who haven't, and those are blessed for it.
Certainly... but for people who are vulnerable in many other ways, it may paint a rushed mom or a worried dad as abusive when they are not. This is not posted in an "abusive household" community where the context is implied.
I would NOT say that.
Overall you are arguing the wrong things with me. I understood the post and agree that catering to abusive parent's emotions creates bad emotional responses... my point is that the post does not, in anyway, make it clear this is an emotionally abusive household (they almost make a point not to) and then paint completely normal empathetic reactions as defense/survival mechanisms.
A clear post would not use the vague wording "someone's mood changes the atmosphere". If I am your best friend, my dog just died but I still make an effort to go to your birthday party because you are my best friend. My mood is not quite right and you, being my best friend, notice, ask me about it and I cry telling you "Fluffy" just died. My sad mood will absolutely (if temporarily) kill the atmosphere of your party... I guess I am an abusive friend for trying to not bail on your birthday and you are somehow on survival mode because you had empathy for me?
I am using this example "on the other edge" of the spectrum just to show how poorly written the post was and how it can easily fit the most benign scenario
And this is why I care... not everyone is super stable/smart/objective/capable of self reflection... this is the irresponsible shit going online that pushes those people the wrong way