this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2026
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My dad is also a... problematic person. I don't know what to say at times like this, but I can at least relate what worked for me: When my dad was hospitalized with a terminal condition, I went into a daze and wrote out a three page speech to give at his funeral that included some of the most awful things he'd done. I didn't know if I would read it, but I wrote it. A few days later while he was still hanging on (but supposedly 30 pounds lighter in just two weeks of hospital care), I rewrote the speech shorter, but kept several issues intact. Then he didn't die. His personality remains the same as before the scare, but he's frail now. I still have the 'remembrance' I wrote, and it no longer matters if I read it because I took the time to write it out and I'll always have to share and grieve over even if I don't make it a public spectacle.
tl;dr: consider writing something for his funeral now -- 'just in case' -- so you won't be stuck trying to figure out what to say if/when things get chaotic.