Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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You can try Snikket.org, which is basically Prosody but easier. But you can't selfhost "on each person's own computers" as you said because you'd still need a publicly exposable IP addresses and high uptime. Maybe you could try registering on an XMPP or Matrix instance you like and migrate your community over there first
Question for others: is Prosody's (and XMPP's) group calls really good? I'm under the impression that Matrix (with Element Call) is currently better due to the SFU architecture, but I'd be happy to be proven otherwise. I'm interested to hear required specs, how large the calls can be, and how much strain it puts on the TURN server and clients especially when it comes to multiparty streaming
AFAIK the Movim people are working on SFU calls too, but not soon
Maybe. Looking like the best option right now.
Yes, Matrix is a bit ahead with SFU calls (after depending on Jitsi Meet for a long time, which uses xmpp under the hood). But for most usecases it doesn't matter so much. On a modern internet connection a SFU basically only starts being useful in calls with ten or more participants. For corporate board meeting calls maybe, but your family call is also fine without.