this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2026
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It’s fun being deeply ashamed of your gender because some of us are filth and scum.
These fuckers harm everyone with their actions. Wish we could do something actionable about it.
Okay, I feel like this needs to be addressed as well: this, like, public self-flagellation is not useful either. I have never once been ashamed of being a man.
The problem that men have here is cultural and systemic, it's expressed with statistics and social norms—it really, really has nothing to do with you or me specifically.
If you've already done the work of recognizing that negging women is extremely rude, then you've already improved as a person. There's no reason to be self-loathing about it.
I didn’t say that I was ashamed of myself, I said I was ashamed of men and the association they cast on me.
You’re kinda enabling that behavior by advocating against vocalizing how shitty it is.
Oh, hold on, I am absolutely not against bullying these people mercilessly. I'm probably meaner to them than you are, if I were just guessing.
The thing that I don't want people to do is treat a cultural critique as if it were a personal one. A lot of the pushback that you'll see from the fragile male types is just manifested insecurity over the fact that they think they can't go up and talk to a woman without her splashing her drink in their face. The critique is just describing the currents of the ocean, but they will treat it as if it were a personal attack because what you're really arguing with is their hurt feelings.
I don’t agree with passing off their behavior as “cultural”. I am ashamed of men because some of them are reprehensible, and some of them want to ignore how reprehensible those ones are or explain it away.
I choose to embrace feeling deeply ashamed at how we’ve allowed the worst of us to form the general opinion of us and vocalize that routinely.
Fuck their insecurities, if they want to be able to go up to a woman without “getting her drink splashed in their face” maybe they should focus harder on fixing the problem so women can generally feel safe with us.