this post was submitted on 26 Jan 2026
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disabled
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My thoughts these days go to the medical professionals who, despite the pressures and stress they're facing, are putting in the effort and time to understand our struggles, take them seriously, and try to help to the best of their ability, sometimes even beyond. All medical professionals should be like this; I'm glad there's at least some who are.
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So I have a psychotic disorder, so I sometimes experience things that didn't really happen. This does not make what happened any less traumatic, but it does change how people treat my experience. If someone came to me saying what I'm preparing to say, I know I would try to be as validating of their trauma and try to help them as much as I could, but for some reason I just can't extend the same treatment to myself. So I'll put it here and throw myself on your mercy. Even if you can't be validating, please be kind. I'm not trying to hurt anybody.
CW: SA
When I was younger, I had a hallucination that affected all of my senses that was of a woman SAing me. I guess that's the whole story. I used to have more frequent, vivid, and senseful(?) hallucinations than I do now, before I started taking medication. I've been terrified of the dark ever since, and still hear her voice in my head from time to time. I feel like I can't move on in part because I can't escape her and in part because I feel like its unreality invalidates every feeling I've had about it. I try not to invade spaces where people talk about this kind of trauma, because I do understand there is a big difference between what happened to me and what happened to them. Mine was a fabrication, an image of something; while theirs is real, and many of them have physical consequences of that. I just want somebody to tell me it's okay to feel afraid and hurt and a little sick about it. I need to move on... somehow.Spoiler
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that, especially so alone since many people don’t understand. A trauma is a trauma and the event itself doesn’t matter as much as the harm its done. 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂same CW
I have Dissosciative Identity Disorder so not quite the same, but a lot of us struggle with this sort of "trauma that isn't actually real". Though we call it intratrauma, as it is trauma that happens internally (in headspace, usually).Generally my opinion is. Even if something isn't "real", if you are having a trauma response to it, then it is real according to your nervous system. If you have meaningfully changed your behaviour due to your trauma, you are experiencing real trauma symptoms. While I do agree that it's not the same as actually being assaulted, it's still traumatic and you deserve to acknowledge it as such. Anything else is doing the thing where you don't consider your trauma valid cos some people have it worse and that's no good
That makes sense, thank you.