Lesbians

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A community for lesbians, people whose loved ones are lesbians, people who want information about lesbians, queer people, and allies! Trans lesbians are lesbians and are welcome.

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I'm scared of not being the "real" parent (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 2 weeks ago by quantumgenderino@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/lesbians@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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My wife (28 cis female) and I (31 transfem) have recently decided we want a baby but because she is the only one with functional reproductive parts, so the plan is to use a donor, and she'll be carrying the baby. I know it makes no sense, and it's just a brain goblin causing problems, but I'm scared I'm going to end up feeling like she's the "real" mom, while I'm just along for the ride. I'm going to be there all the way along, and it's going to be both our child, but brain goblins gonna brain goblin. Have any of you experienced this/have any words of advice? My wife and I have talked about my fears, and since I started transitioning, I've been getting better at not bottling things up from her, but again, brain goblins gonna brain goblin.

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[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Once you've spent an evening holding a feverish baby in the shower while festooned in their never ending deluge of vomit, all those thoughts of not being a "real parent" will disappear.

The first 9 months produce a child, but it pretty much comes out as a blank slate. It's the 9 years after that that have the biggest influence on who they are.