this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2026
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I've mostly gone veggo over the last few years. Ate meat over xmas as I was having multiple dinners with people and didn't want to put anyone out. Buddhist monks have a version where they'll accept meals with meat if offered but not get it for themselves.
This is the way. I salute you for doing the right thing.
I am so damned tired of catering 'special' meals for the born again whatevers. Keto or vegan or fat free or whatever. It really sucks when trying to cater for a group of people and you don't know if they do or do not have non-allergenic lines in the sand.
I'm more than willing to cater for allergy restrictions - lactose, gluten, nuts etc if I know about them in advance, but the rabid 'I'm a special little petal because I'm .......................' mob really piss me off.
Us humans are omnivores. Preferences are fine if you're catering for yourself, but taking the moral high ground over the presence or absence of meat and/or carbs and/or fodmaps just makes me see bright bright scarlet and reach for the baseball bat. With hobnails in it. And this applies double if someone rocks up unexpected like and then proceeds to criticise the menu because their personal preferences aren't allowed to override everyone else's preferences.
You've had some very poor mannered guests by the sounds of it.
Just fyi fodmaps are a legit food intolerance, they have pretty painful effects on some people.
(However I don’t demand to be catered to or glamorise it and due to the extent of my food intolerances don’t eat with others)
My apologies. I think I've met too many people who definitely were using a no-fodmap diet to basically Karen everyone in sight. I mean, how does one tell the difference between the genuine and the fake? Volume of rhetoric is not a good guide.
It’s all good! Just letting you know there are some people who are legit. You will absolutely know who’s for real because the effects are quite obvious and painful. They may also let you know in advance, bring their own meal, avoid eating or if bad enough avoid gatherings that involve food.
Edit: You have no idea if they’re just stating it ofc but the tone and behaviour around it and how they handle the situation would probably tell you. Just be careful though with giving allergens anyway because even a Karen could still be legit and then you’re dealing with anaphylaxis, diabetic coma, an asthma attack or a code brown
Edit 2: Or rather don’t give allergens anyway
hugs, I don't know anyone who is more considerate than you
We have friends who have dietary restrictions and we always accommodate. I actually enjoy learning new dishes etc.
Our vegan friend brought their friend once (also vegan), so we prepped a few vegan dishes. Our friend never complains and always appreciates what we do. Their friend refused to eat because they could not be certain it was 100% vegan and if cookware was cleaned to their standards.
I may have been rude and told her that the grass outside is completely vegan.
She never came back, and our friend apologised.
Ah yes, the born again vegan. My sympathies.
I have a theory that extreme dietary restrictions (not the allergy sort which is a quite other ballgame) functions as a sorting mechanism to reduce the stress of making choices. Given that we have so many choices of foodstuffs available to us, that some folks experience some form of stress is not all that surprising. I do think that this is one of the more obnoxious methods of doing so though. There's a power dynamic operating here too.
I am reminded of the folk who chalk climate change action messages on the completely separated bike path near me. Not on the road where the car drivers might see it, but on the bike path where most bike riders are already on board with climate change action. Doing the chalking probably makes them feel good, but it's not exactly targeting the real problem.
I think some people just want to make something their complete identity and to feel morally superior. I get that people get passionate about some things, but being condescending towards others is not the way to win allies.
I did a veggo stint years ago to test it out for myself (and some health reasons). Went over to a relatives for a bbq and only ate salad, rice and other sides. Didn't complain, just went about my day.
The host noticed and made a massive thing out of it (there were like 20 people, so he wasn't cooking just for us) and kept pestering my why I'm going vegetarian. I was replying politely that it's a personal choice etc....he kept pushing, so finally I said I'm only vegetarian at his place, cause he cant grill for shit.
No more questions after that.
very poor manners on his part
we should only look at our own plate, not at what others are having
And then to say something and make a scene, so very rude. Your response was spot on.
Yeah that side of the family has zero manners and consideration for others. There's also the whole thing of the older generation always being right. I don't play that shit, and happy to confront them.
Safe to say we don't get invited often, but we're not missing out.
all these choices can only be made when people are rich enough to cater to them
poor people don't have food fads
and I must be getting old as I am so over psych games regarding food.
Stop being so wholesome 😁
Honestly that's a great approach. I never refuse a meal, even though I can some mild reactions to some foods (nothing bad, just the winds and runs the next day).
If someone goes through the effort of preparing and sharing food with me, I won't refuse.