People Mastodon

Let's try a quick thought experiment:

Say you're driving down the road and following all the rules. You come to a gradual stop at a red light, and you're suddenly hit from behind because the driver behind you wasn't paying attention.

This accident is not your fault in any way. You did everything right, the other driver fucked up.

But does that mean you can just walk away and everything will be taken care of for you? No, you have to contact insurance companies, arrange for vehicle repairs and alternate transportation until it's done, notify law enforcement and other agencies under some circumstances, etc.

So why do you have to do anything if it isn't your fault?

It's because fault and responsibility are not always the same thing. It sucks, it's unfair, but it's just how things work. Sometimes we have to clean up other peoples' messes.

When it comes to the man or bear question, which is also a thought experiment rather than a personal indictment, it's not the fault of all men that many women feel the way they do about us. But even for those of us that didn't cause the problem, it is still our responsibility to acknowledge the lived experiences of others and listen without making it about ourselves.

Enough other men are shitty towards women to make a lot of them sincerely consider whether they would be safer with an average man or average bear. Nobody said anything about you personally or whether they were choosing guaranteed death over time with you.

Empathy is the only way to take meaningful steps toward changing the perception. Invalidating women's feelings or pretending the pattern doesn't exist won't help anyone, including yourself.