I have tried therapy on and off for a while now. People would always get frustrated with me and tell me to "get therapy," but I never knew what I was actually supposed to be there for. And I tried a service like BetterHelp before (can't remember what this one was called), but it just sucked ass and I'm not sure if the people on there were even licensed professionals.
I finally started going consistently with this one therapist, but I frequently get frustrated with her for not giving me actual coping skills or techniques. One of her favorite things to ask me is "how can you deal with X?" And I get frustrated and say "I don't know." Because if I fucking knew I wouldn't be in therapy. She seems to do a more meandering talk therapy style thing with vague ideas of DBT and CBT thrown in there. She's not giving me enough skills to not get fired at work. She helped me go through a difficult time, but now that that's over, I'm back to square one.
So I found a therapist who specifically states she does DBT. Over time I have learned that my core issue is emotional dysregulation which is treated by DBT. She told me she follows this one workbook. I got the book. It's great! It gives you a zillion and one coping skills. But after having several sessions with her, I notice that she spends the entire time just going "in chapter 4, this happens. Then in chapter 8, this happens" while my eyes just glaze over. Today the session ended 35 minutes early because she only vaguely contributed to me talking about a problem I had today.
I have been seeing both therapists concurrently until my deductible resets in January.
I just am so endlessly frustrated with the entire mental health industry. I've seen so many different therapists. I've really tried to do any exercises that they have given me. I've tried multiple different psych meds (trying a new one now actually!).
Nothing works. Nothing has changed about me. I'm the same person with the same problems. And nothing I seem to try makes a lick of difference. I try so hard. I try a zillion different things...exercise, getting good sleep, eating right, therapy, meds...nothing changes me. Nothing helps me.
What in the everliving fuck am I missing? Do I have to go through 30 different therapists before I can find one that can help me? Am I just doing therapy "wrong"??? What am I supposed to be doing here?
Through all this, I've found that telling someone to "go to therapy" is almost offensive...it just absolves others from caring about you and makes it sound like you're not willing to do the base effort in bettering yourself.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read.
It's funny you mention the Tao Te Ching. I started getting into this podcast on Taoism and I thought it was really helping me at first. Then with all the talk about becoming part of the earth when you die I started to get panicked and depressed and then I started to get obsessed with not wanting to die lol. So I'm afraid to pick that back up.
One thing I'm noticing with all these is that, even when I am able to visibly control myself in public, it doesn't ever seem to at all even slightly reduce the pain I'm feeling.
That's why I sought therapy and medications to begin with. The intense negative things I feel are so immensely painful.
I have managed to hide that for most of my live, but during a stressful period, I wasn't able to anymore and it has severely impacted my job and relationships.
But even when I am able to hide it, it still hurts so much. I remember complaining to my therapist about this before. That even when I use all of these skills, it doesn't lessen my emotions at all. She said it won't. And the skills in this workbook aren't either.
But it's making me think like... What's the point? I started seeing all of these mental health people because of the pain. If they can't lessen the pain even a bit, then what am I even spending all of this money for?
Idk sorry I just ended up rambling.