this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2025
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I do. I never shit at home. Always on the job, and always at least half an hour every time.
Sometimes I chug a glass of full cream just to be certain my lactose intolerant ass will annihilate that toilet for at least an hour. It also gives me an excuse to leave early when I'm pale as a ghost and looking like I'm six months pregnant from all the gas in my guts.
I've reclaimed so much surplus value, im considering buying a fucking kayak or something, even though I don't need one.
My plan for if a job forced "return to office" on me was to start drinking a lot of milk, and turn it into a "I'm not trapped in here with you, you're trapped in here with me.". My friends said this is a terrible idea. I concede the coworkers mostly don't deserve to suffer the catastrophic ass gas, but management and the bootlickers I say can suffer it.
Your friends are right it's a terrible idea