this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2025
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~~Perhaps, but I Will Fucking Dropkick You If You Use That Spreadsheet~~
Edit: It's called PostgreSQL
Edit 2: There really are two separate but overlapping problems. One is the claim that alternatives are not capable of doing what Excel can do. This is one I am skeptical of. Their may not be a single alternative which does everything Excel does, but Excel is used for all sorts of workflows from data entry to data processing to accounting to mathematics to statistics to data visualization to using the cell background colors to create recreations of classic nintendo pixel art, and there are many tools well suited for each of these specific niches.
The other is that, as an individual or organization with complex accounting systems and business processes created on top of Excel, there is no replacement. Excel is a requirement to continue operations under these circumstances. This is certainly true, but I consider it a problem that organizations opt into. Why hire a dev (or even basic IT staff) to build out internal information systems and applications when we can just use Excel? Why hire a DBA to schematize and safeguard decades of essential business records when we can just license this bauble from Koch Industries or Oracle and "put it all in the cloud?" Why should we provide any infrastructure whatsoever for our accounting staff other than a Windows PC with Office? Most companies like this are basically doomed, but if you have the opportunity to think about how you are keeping records and processing data before you create ten years worth of it, there is always a solution that will scale much better and cost a lot less in the long run.
In the latter case, I don't think it is even possible to create an alternative. If you build a system of sufficient complexity, it cannot be moved without essentially re-creating it from scratch. This is just as much the truth for a skyscraper or a car designed with a specific CAD package as it is for a complex business accounting process created with Excel. This is the reason the Social Security Administration is STILL using mainframe computers running COBOL. There is nothing exceptional about Excel in this regard. It is just the foundation that many of these systems were built on (and it will be around just as long as COBOL for that reason).
Okay