this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2025
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This isn't a pity party post, it's not entirely my fault. I'm a construction site that got abandoned and water got in and now it'll cost twice as much as the original plan, and sure I could have done something about it earlier instead of just letting myself(the building?) rot but I didn't and there's no use beating myself up over it. I have missed out on 14 years or so.

I'm an unfinished person and I just need to finish myself. Which is a unique position to be in because I think a lot of people want that. I have no family and no long term connections. Which is exactly as lonely as it sounds but also makes me pretty fucking free to do whatever I want

So I have some questions that are things most people learned between the ages of 12 and 24. I didn't, which sucks. They can basically be summarised as "how do I be a human?"

How do people make friends? How do I become someone that people actively seek out interaction with? How do I do this without having any money

These are probably too broad to have any meaningful answers and I'll probably just be embarrassed by it later and delete it. Idk

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[โ€“] Aradino@hexbear.net 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh and ๐Ÿฉต๐Ÿฉต๐Ÿฉต๐Ÿฉต๐Ÿฉต

[โ€“] JustSo@hexbear.net 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

stalin-heart

Remember to try to be kind and patient with yourself as much as possible. It's hard starting over, so give yourself some grace if you hit any stumbling blocks are false starts.

[โ€“] Aradino@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I expect mostly false starts for a while tbh. I need to learn to give myself more slack, so I'll get plenty of experience lol

[โ€“] JustSo@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Are you familiar with the idea of separating your self identity from your thoughts, so you can learn not to immediately internalise habitual negative self talk and that sort of thing? Might be relevant and useful.

I've gotten pretty good at aikido'ing intrusive self-bullying thoughts out of my mind before they do damage. Its helped a lot with self esteem and "ideations" etc. I still have all these learned/inherited values that I don't even believe in but still have to combat all the time to avoid feeling like a complete loser.

(But I gotta find a place to volunteer. Pretty sure it's the missing thing for me. I've tried reconnecting with old friends and came to the sad realisation that I don't actually like spending time with most of them.)

Anyway, I hope have some early successes regardless of how long it takes to get to a place where you're happy and content with your circumstances n shit.

[โ€“] Aradino@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Are you familiar with the idea of separating your self identity from your thoughts, so you can learn not to immediately internalise habitual negative self talk and that sort of thing? Might be relevant and useful.

Sort of. I'm aware I should do it and often do but don't know any strategies or anything. I'll look it up

[โ€“] JustSo@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You might find a bunch of meditation oriented info but don't let that turn you off if it's not your thing. It's a habit or skill that gets easier and more automatic over time. Tho, I'm not an authority by any means, I still sometimes tell myself "no" out loud if I feel a bad though spiral forming. Pretty crude but it seems to break the cycle so I can focus my attention elsewhere.

Enough of my rambling tho. โœŒ๏ธ

[โ€“] Aradino@hexbear.net 1 points 1 month ago

Your rambling was very helpful!