memes

ya’ll are taking sex too seriously.

I will stop taking sex seriously when it stops being special. If I only have 20 minutes to properly enjoy intimacy once every two weeks, it is going to be fucking magical. Joke sex is for when you're in the cuddle puddle in college, knowing there's half a dozen other hotties down bad you've got to get through before the end of the week. Once you get older, you realize sex needs to be professional. There's special outfits. There's devices. There's ritual. You read books on it. You get degrees in it.

If you’re not having fun and if you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing and looking awkward or silly, you’re with the wrong person.

Have you ever tried to cum at 40? Fun is for people with a second load in them in another thirty minutes and a three day weekend with nothing to do. Fun is for people who aren't sneaking this out while the kids are down for a nap. Sex in middle age is Seal Team Six shit. Yeah, we've done the drills. We know what to expect. But now we're in the field and we are on the clock. We get in, we do the deed, we hit the extraction point, and maybe we have time for a cigarette by morning... assuming everyone comes out alive.

You can’t possibly be naked with someone and not feel a little silly

I will hang from that sex swing and not even crack a smile.