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CW: Suicide (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 weeks ago by Sulvy@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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My only brother killed himself. I just saw him last weekend and we played some board games and got dinner. I’m trying not to blame myself, but you can’t help dissecting every little interaction. Could I have been kinder? Could I have called him this week? Would it have changed anything? There’s no way to know.

He had been having paranoid delusions of people spying on him for years, but I never thought he could do something like this. He was in a much darker place than any of us realized.

I live 3 1/2 hours away. I thought my parents were his support system. I never worried about someone needing to keep an eye out for warning signs. I want to say there were none but they were there.

Tell your loved ones you are there for them no matter what. Actually be there for them. Do not let them go through this world alone.

I just had to type this out. I’m not looking for psychiatric help online. If this gets removed anyway that’s fine.

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[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago

A few years ago, right after losing 2 friends in the same way in quick succession, I made sure to promise my brother that I would not render him alone on this earth by my own hand.

If I were in those shoes I would be so devastated and I know he would too. The pain becomes an ache, but it never truly ends.

These things often happen for reasons outside the control of a second party, but any reason to keep on living is a good one.