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CW: Suicide (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 weeks ago by Sulvy@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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My only brother killed himself. I just saw him last weekend and we played some board games and got dinner. I’m trying not to blame myself, but you can’t help dissecting every little interaction. Could I have been kinder? Could I have called him this week? Would it have changed anything? There’s no way to know.

He had been having paranoid delusions of people spying on him for years, but I never thought he could do something like this. He was in a much darker place than any of us realized.

I live 3 1/2 hours away. I thought my parents were his support system. I never worried about someone needing to keep an eye out for warning signs. I want to say there were none but they were there.

Tell your loved ones you are there for them no matter what. Actually be there for them. Do not let them go through this world alone.

I just had to type this out. I’m not looking for psychiatric help online. If this gets removed anyway that’s fine.

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[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 24 points 2 weeks ago

I've had this happen with 4 people I was close to at this point and let me tell you now, even if you saw the signs, even if you tried to do something, even if everything had been perfect, it can still happen. Absolutely do not blame yourself.

For anyone else going through these thoughts, remember that your death as a radical is a win for the bourgeoisie. Your very survival when you are an active advocate for the end of the current state of things is a victory for us. Of all those that I've seen go through this, it is comrades who have not committed suicide while it is those that did not radicalise who carried it out. The stubborn desire to rebel and revolt is stronger than the suicidal ideation.

All the best OP.