The Onion

As Immigration and Customs Enforcement seeks to increase its presence across the country, the agency is actively recruiting new agents to carry out the Trump administration’s mass deportation campaign. The Onion breaks down how to join ICE.

STEP 1 Be born with something just…missing

STEP 2 Try deporting a few neighbors without the constitutional authority to do so, to see if it’s for you

STEP 3 Unlearn any secondary languages you may know

STEP 4 If filling out the application form presents a challenge, candidates may instead demonstrate how hard they can punch a dog

STEP 5 Undergo background check confirming at least one prior arrest for a violent crime

STEP 6 Click through six-step combat training module

STEP 7 Order police vest from www.costumecorner(dot)com

STEP 8 Grab gun from gun bucket