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this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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Like I don't feel like I'm an ally because I don't really go out of my way to show it? I don't really know how to explain it other than my sister who is very explicitly an ally, like she has a bunch of rainbow stuff in her room and on her backpack etc and has a lot of queer friends while on my end I don't really show that? Like of course if someone was being a piece of shit towards my gay friends I'd step up and try and defend them, but that goes for any of my friends too?
Again I don't really know how to word it but I don't recognize myself in the term "ally" (although I've been considering putting a rainbow pin on my backpack or something because rainbows are cool)
You don't have to put rainbows on anything if you don't want. I don't even use rainbows!
The main thing is, when you hear someone in a cishet group spouting homophobia, be the one to say "hey that's not cool". Lots of people say they're allies and put it on their social media and whatnot, but where it counts is just being able to stick up for us like you would for any mate when the time comes
💯 A cishet person who treats “ally” as a verb is WAY more helpful than one who only wears it as a noun.
I'm personally a fan of shifting language - anyone can be an ally, but being an advocate or a champion has a higher bar. At the end of the day, I absolutely respect this person's hesitance to not take on the label of ally, because they feel like they aren't doing enough for it to be valid. That's a very considerate take.
In that case, I don't think it's fair to describe yourself as someone who "doesn't care". I think when you say that you don't care, it can come off as not caring if someone is being a piece of shit towards your gay friends. "I don't care if you're gay" can sound like "I don't care if you get antagonized for being gay", and I think the fact that you would stand up for your gay friends shows that you do care that they are gay, you care that that is seen as something worth standing up for and protecting. Saying you don't care is minimizing the extent to which you do care.