The Onion and other satire w/ layers

After a disappointing lunch that shattered his romanticized view of the topping, heartbroken local man Vince Salazar stated Monday that he now understood he had only ever loved the idea of a fried egg on a hamburger. “I thought the sunny-side up burger upgrade was what I really wanted, but I’ve come to see that I fell for a glamorized flavor profile that was never going to make me happy,” said Salazar, who explained that he had fetishized what it would be like to have an ooey-gooey yolk poured over his beef patty and allowed to soak into his bun, never truly appreciating what made a burger great in the first place. [...]