this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2025
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When you hear your romantic partner's parent say the most racist shit about YOUR race that you've ever heard in person, do you stay amicable in a superficial way? (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by HexaSnoot@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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They're a very old white person, and they will never stop watching race conspiracies in mainstream US news. So there's no use in trying to change things right?

I wish I could sit at the dinner table with the rest of my partner's family without this hyper-racist person sitting with us. I've once cried myself to sleep for three nights straight after a dinner. What this person said was bad enough that I would've preferred they called me a slur instead.

They specifically asked my partner if they were a insert my race-sympathizer. As if to be my race is to be the same as a Nazi, and that its weird to have sympathy for people of my race. No one counts my race as white, btw. My people also have some socialist history so they might automatically suspect communist relation with every insert my race person they meet. They read a Nazi magazine disguised as normal news, so I think they think communists are a threat worse than Nazis.

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[โ€“] HexaSnoot@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

It took 10 years of being with my partner for their parents to say both racist comments. By now I'm used to being around them. The "sympathizer" comment was a brand new shock.

One of my exes is Mexican and I no longer talk to a grandparent over their their racism towards Mexicans. I judged they're too old to change, plus there's a language barrier. By the time I'm advanced enough to have a conversation on racism in their main language, they will probably be endangered with blood pressure problems and will literally be incapable of little regular arguments.

[โ€“] MizuTama@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago

It took 10 years of being with my partner for their parents to say both racist comments. By now I'm used to being around them. The "sympathizer" comment was a brand new shock.

It took ten years for them to say it, period, or in front of you? And I see how the shock could be larger if they've been around you for some time and seemed relatively decent previously. I would discuss with your partner about how this behavior affects you, what your expectations and tolerances for it are, and see where their headspace is regarding the issue.