this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2025
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Uh, my partner tries not to bring any family members that would say something like that to my face in front of me.
If it was bad enough I was crying myself to sleep my partner would have an ultimatum by the time the first year was shed. Unless y'all are mostly fooling around, (no shame in that) and don't particularly see this going anywhere, You have to consider the fact you're planning on spending the rest of your life with them and nip stuff like that in the bud.
You said your partner is more aware of racism than you, in the off case that's truly the case, it just means they're willing to compromise on those values to your detriment for their convenience. I have personal doubts that's truly the case to the degree you implied but I digress.
Question: would you be willing to let your family and loved ones treat your partner in the same way? This isn't rhetorical, I know people that tolerate stuff like that because they think their partner should as well to "keep the peace," if that's the case, just keep trucking ig but otherwise you probably need to go over bounds and expectations for standing up for each other.
It took 10 years of being with my partner for their parents to say both racist comments. By now I'm used to being around them. The "sympathizer" comment was a brand new shock.
One of my exes is Mexican and I no longer talk to a grandparent over their their racism towards Mexicans. I judged they're too old to change, plus there's a language barrier. By the time I'm advanced enough to have a conversation on racism in their main language, they will probably be endangered with blood pressure problems and will literally be incapable of little regular arguments.
It took ten years for them to say it, period, or in front of you? And I see how the shock could be larger if they've been around you for some time and seemed relatively decent previously. I would discuss with your partner about how this behavior affects you, what your expectations and tolerances for it are, and see where their headspace is regarding the issue.