this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2025
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Can confirm. I'm an aspie, overweight with male patten baldness. I'm shy and awkward and have a well above average body count. It's more about being a good conversationalist, a good listener, and being kind. Most of mine developed over time as they got to know me. If I can get laid and incels can't it's not because of how hey look, it's because they're a fucking losers.
EDITed to make my intention clear.
Okay I don't usually reply to comments like these, but I've had a really shitty day and this touched a nerve so here goes.
I'm a lot of the same things, (although I'm underweight instead and I don't use nazi terminology to describe my autism). I'm in my mid 20s and I've never had sex with anyone, although I deeply desire to, and I'm very lonely. I think I'm a decent person, at least I have plenty of friends who think so. I'm not very attractive, but not unattractive. I have debilitating anxiety. I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of hooking up with someone I'm not close with, and I've avoided "opportunities" because of that. I've also had pretty bad luck in general with relationships. Sex is pretty low on the list of what I'd like out of a relationship, but I would still like to experience it with someone I have an emotional connection with. I form crushes / romantic attraction to someone very rarely, and it just always just doesn't work out for one reason or other. Also, I have the added difficulty of being nonbinary, so aside from being entirely confused about who I was for most of my life, now I have the choice to either pretend I'm someone I'm not, or to be myself and have an extremely small pool of people be interested in me.
Does all this make me a 'fucking loser'? Maybe, but either way it's a really shitty thing for you to say. I'm so fucking sick of being ridiculed and insulted online, even if I'm just getting caught in the crossfire.
Alright, I don't really have a message to direct at you, but I have some words that I kinda want to say to you.
I'm some of those same things. Never been diagnosed with autism (and not really interested in getting a diagnosis) but have consistently been friends with neuro-divergent people. I never had sex until my mid 20s, but up to that point I didn't think it would happen for a long while (my first thought afterward was "darn, now I'll never be a wizard"). If you aren't familiar with the term demisexual, look it up because that's me too! The person you responded to does not give me demisexual vibes, quite the opposite in fact. I can say that I have never given any real consideration to a person's "body count" because it give me the same feeling as hearing someone talk about "adulting." It's something I just don't think a person talking about it can understand because they are talking about it.
This may sound weird, but I think the best thing you can do is embrace your virginity, really own it and own the fact that you know you want an emotional attachment/relationship before sex. You mentioned having severe anxiety, so I get that that would be very difficult, but I can tell you that it is very worthwhile. One of my favorite memories is of going to a small house party of about 6 people and at some point hearing every person/couple talk about sex they had had. Because I had embraced my form of asexuality I found that humorous and just continued to have fun. Later when we played "never have I ever" you can bet I was the only person to get everyone else to drink when I said I had never had sex. Later that evening one of the guys I had met asked me if I was really a virgin with an incredulous tone that told me I did not fit his idea of one, and it was cool to see the change in his perspective.
And when you do do stuff with someone, it will probably be awkward, but it will also probably be with someone that you can continue seeing. And if it's anything like me and my first (and so far also only) partner, who also happened to be nonbinary, it will probably grow into some of the best, most intimate sex a person can have. Just remember that not having sex isn't you, but it can be an aspect of you. As a less cool version of myself once said; "you can only be cool if you're not trying to be cool," which I said in an effort to sound cool.