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[advice needed post] i asked out a friend. I don't think they understand that this is something I did with romantic and not platonic intent. How do I make that clear? (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 months ago by EstraDoll@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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I asked out a friend of mine who I've been trying to ask out for a while now to grab coffee next week. They said yes but I don't think they got the more than platonic intentions I had, they seem kind of oblivious to it (or are just hiding it well). I can't flirt if my life depended on it, how can I convey my romantic intent without just... saying it outright?

idk if I'm giving enough context or detail here but feel free to ask if you need

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[–] GoodGuyWithACat@hexbear.net 18 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

So you should have made it clear when you asked, but since you didn't here's what I think.

I would have to know more context, but go on the coffee date as just friends. Don't put pressure on the date to woo them and sweep them off their feet. Don't go for the kiss since it's not clear this is romantic. Just hang out like a normal person trying to have fun with their friend over coffee. If this person accepted as a platonic date then you tell them it was intended to be romantic, that could confuse them.

Then, near the end of the date after you've already had fun as friends, tell them how you feel. "Hey I really like spending time with you, would you want to go on a real date? Like dinner this weekend?"

This way it doesn't make them feel like you've tricked them. You had your platonic coffee, now you tell them that you want something more intimate.

I think this is more elegant than texting "hey I meant this as a romantic date btw." However, that's still not a terrible option if it's stressing you out.

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

idk, I think we're close enough to where I can skip the pretend platonicism and state it almost outright at the start. "Hey, sorry I had to ask you out over text, but when i tried to do it at the [event] the other day it was way too awkward with your roommate staring right at us", which is 100% true and also states that yes i was asking you out. idk, i'll probably be more direct with it if that somehow doesn't click for them but it feels weird and dishonest to wait until the end to drop the intention so I should probably do it up front

[–] GoodGuyWithACat@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago

Then definitely do that. You know your friend better than me.