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Mate, you will be loved, life does get better, give it a chance. Your mother is probaly a reason you feel depressed i would say if that is her worldview. Find someone you can talk to that isnt a fucking narcissist. Please talk to someone though, hotline, someone.
um... about that
I'm kinda living through a fascist takeover in my country (USA) so probably a terrible option considering... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_abuse_of_psychiatry
So yea thing are going very great here, spectacular even...
Basially its just Youtube Videos and pirsted TV and Movies keeping my brain alive. I have literally zero actual social connections besides having a cat to pet, which doesn't really help much (cat is lovely, just not helping too much with the depression).
I'm basically just having coffee as a sort of anti depressant for now. Actual meds from any non-emergency sources (because the emergency ER method is a bad idea as I've said) takes a while because appointments takes like 6 months like wtf?!?
I don't know your insurance, location, or financial situation, so the following might be totally irrelevant.
If you have a primary care doctor/physician, they should be able to get you antidepressants. You don't need a specialist. You might even be able to have a telehealth visit, instead of going in-person.
I hope things smooth out for you. BTW, my therapist says carbs are good for short-term stress. Ice cream and chocolates help.
Also, maybe look into if your local library has any meetups? Mine does a regular knitting/crochet circle (if you just show up, you'll probably find friendly folks happy to teach you to make a dish cloth), book club, grown-up crafts a couple times a month. Might be good to get out of the house and meet some friendly faces.
Why no social connections? Best thing to do is to externally connect and have things outside the confines of your current unhappiness.
Sometimes social connections are hard to figure out, especially if you don't have experience making connections or positive examples to follow.
I suggested visiting the local library and seeing if there's any meetups. Do you have other suggestions?
What is the concern about hotlines? Are you worried people may be recording and using that against you somehow? What you linked to doesn’t really mention hotlines.
The current US right-wing rhetoric is that (btw their words, not mine): "Immigrants are (a) violent dangerous criminals, or (b) drug addicts, or ( c ) welfare queens, or (d) mentally ill"
That sort of rhetoric, combined with the fact that hotlines are not anonymous; This is just asking for trouble.
I doubt even my (naturalized) citizenship would shield me from being persecuted by this fascist traitor in the white house.
Okay, got it. Thank you for clearing that up for me. It’s very unfortunate you don’t have a safe space.