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For folks actually interested in defending themselves and not just cosplaying as Delta Farce or Gravy Seals:
If you can't handle the fact that you may have to take a life someday, DON'T BUY A GUN PERIOD. Gun ownership is a serious responsibility that we as a country unfortunately don't treat as such. If you do decide to get one, the MOST IMPORTANT thing is to train, even just target practice, don't buy something and stash it in a shoe box (have somewhere secure to keep it!). Make sure you take a stop the bleed class (good idea if you're American period), and know your local self defense/gun laws backwards and forwards. If you've never touched a gun before, have someone who can show you how to safely operate and handle it before even considering buying one. This may be difficult if you're openly leftist/LGBTQ+, but there are liberal/LGBTQ+ gun owner groups, or the Socialist Rifle Association, who might have, or help you find local groups/organizations/stores that aren't right wing cultists. They should also be able to guide you on buying something that fits your use case (e.g. Home Defense or Concealed Carry) and that you can safely handle.
For a few options that aren't an AR: In states that ban the AR by name but don't have a blanket AWB, you may be able to get a Ruger Mini 14. Uses the same caliber, and has interchangeable magazines, only difference is it's wood and patterned after the M1/M14. Ruger also makes something called the PC Carbine, which is a 9mm carbine that can take Glock magazines. Then, there's the SKS which can be retrofitted to take box magazines, but those are now rare and expensive. There's also the good ol' AK-47/74 but those tend to be swept up in legislation that ban weapon platforms by name. You could also choose to get really, really good with a lever gun or shotgun. Heck, if you join the Civillian Marksmenship Program, you can get an M1 Garand! You can also get a pistol such as a Glock 19 or 43x which, while less effective than a long gun, is something at least. I would choose the 43x if you decide to get a concealed carry permit; it's very slim, good for small hands, and has a 10 round magazine which is legal most everywhere. There's a lot of options to choose from out there that get overshadowed by the AR, and thanks to our gun fetishism, it'll probably be a while before they're all legislated away.