this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2025
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I’m at I think 1.5” length. I am very goblin mode and have just been letting everything grow out as much as possible.

Sensory issues compel me to wash my beard with soap every time I enter the shower - this is currently the 3-in-1 old spice, which I imagine strips oil. I have taken to drowning my face in old Amish oil, which seems to be an effective counter.

I work in a profession which will tolerate and appreciate things like beading, which I feel would be more feasible in an inch or so? Any tips on the hobby would be appreciated.

Really the question is - I want to have an extremely lengthy and healthy beard. What do I do to not look like a gross neckbeard, to convey less “this is long because I’m too lazy to do anything about it” but more “I love this thing and will actually maintain a routine for it.” I would like to at some point be a mall Santa. I want to lock in. Pretend you are my dad for a minute.

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[–] BassTurd@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I have a full, luscious beard. I maybe shaved less than a dozen times before I was 20. At some point, I just let it grow, and would knock everything down with the same length guard, increasingly getting bigger as the slow growing areas caught up.

Keep you neck trimmed to not look like a dirty neck beard. Before I had length, I'd shave everything a finger or two above my Adams apple, down. Find that line, about a finger about the apple, tilt your head to a side, and trim a straight line across the neck, then back the other way. That gives a bit of a natural curve in the neck. You can kind of eyeball that a bit too, but I would say don't go to high and shave under your chin. If you do that, you get a chin strap and an Amish look that can appear thin.

Find the line for the top of your beard and keep that relatively clean. Something from the edge of your lips, angles up to your sideburns. I keep mine a bit higher, because if you get too low, you get a lot of cheeks and your back to a chin strap. The cheeks are the slowest to grow in, so it takes time.

For my stache, I like a big one, not a pencil thin one. Proportionally, a thin stache and a thick beard looks bad to me, but the trade off is I frequently compete with eating and keeping the handle bars out of my mouth. I've learned to cope, but things like a big burger will pull the handle bars in to your mouth.

That's a lot of words to say, try to keep everything fairly even length, and slowly let the overall length get longer. Since your cheeks are established, you can let the rest grow, and either learn to maintain yourself, or find a good barber that can clean it for you. I do myself most of the time, because most barbers go too thin on my stache or take too much of the sides, and a get a pointy beard.

Edit: Also, get a dedicated beard wash. It will be less harsh than your 3 in 1. Then find a good beard oil or balm, and wet your beard before application, get a brush to brush it in, and a comb to make it tight. I like Badass Beard oil myself. I've used Honest Amish before and liked it, but the BA beard has some great scents. Everyman Jack is solid too. Not related to beards, but I'd get dedicated shampoo and conditioner instead of a 3 in 1 too. That stuff is not good for hair.