this post was submitted on 26 May 2025
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A hippo would definitely be preferable. A fast and brutal death is preferable to getting your ankles bit out from under you by a thousand Chihuahua.
I don't think getting chewed to death is fast. I'd rather fight the chihuahuas 1000x
We are talking up to 2,000 Chihuahua that are determined to fight you at the cost of their lives. They will not get scared, they will not run, they understand it is you or them and there are 10,000lbs of them.
According to Wikipedia, the Chihuahua weighs up to 3kg whereas an adult male hippo weighs 1500kg. I'm going to consider these numbers for our speculative (hopefully) fight and assume I'll be fighting 500 chihuahuas or 1 hippo. I found that
and
This data seems important to determine the outcome of the fight, since either of them would likely outrun me and I'd be tempted to get to high ground in both cases. Additionally,
and
so a high enough stage would probably be enough to stay out of reach. But if I must fight each one on their own terms, the hippo would probably choose the river, and the chihuhua would choose Chihuhua City, which I assume contains, like any city, high grounds of all sorts, putting me to relative safety. This is why I choose to fight 500 chihuhuas
sources
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamus
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chihuahua_(dog_breed)
https://thechihuahuashack.com/how-fast-can-a-chihuahua-run/
https://chihuahuaguide.com/how-high-can-chihuahuas-jump/
Philadelphia Zoo says male hippos can get up to 9,900lbs, so we are talking potentially under 2k Chihuahua.
2000 chihuahuas would turn on each other way before getting to your ankles. At least 85% of them would be fucking.
Now may or may not be a good time to remember that army ants exist.