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I think for me at the point the pessimism and bitterness has taken over and I see the worst in everything seemingly all the time. I usually don't talk about what I'm thinking because it'll come off as complaining and negativity when in reality I'm just so tired of everything being so fucked up.
Instead of burdening others, I don't say anything. I feel like I'm silently drifting towards suicide. Even if I say the most offending problems out loud nothing will change because all the problems stem from human nature itself.
There was a streamer I used to watch that ended up killing himself. Before he did it he was talking about whether life is a simulation and that killing himself might get him to the next "level"... And that's honestly stuck with me. He was successful, popular, loved etc... and yet that wasn't enough. There's no way this can be all there is to life.
I understand what you mean. That's sort of what I was expressing my frustration about earlier is that I think society makes it that way. You aren't being negative or complaining, these things are completely normal but we don't treat them as normal. We don't really have examples of how to initiate these conversations in healthy ways. Even the word suicide itself feels so heavy.
The heavier society makes that feel, the more you think you're putting a burden on someone that you aren't.
Did you know suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US?
Usually the only time suicide is brought up its for drama on some show.
Do you mind if I ask what it is you're expecting to change?
Talking to someone isn't necessarily about solving all your root problems but to just help yourself get out of your own head about it.
It's like an alcoholic going to their first AA meeting or someone with PTSD going to their first therapist session. That one conversation isn't going to change everything, but it might give you support and help you realize that other people are struggling with the same things and even some people have found successful ways of digging out.
What about that connects with you?
You've mentioned before you push these feelings down and wear a sort of mask in front of others instead of burdening them. Is it possible that by choosing to cut yourself off from others, you're preventing yourself from having real connections and so they end up feeling artificial and simulated?
I appreciate you. You seem like a good person.