On this post where I talked about an awful situation I had with my brother, there was a comment siding with my brother suggesting fervent agreement with him and a strong sense on blame on me.
And while I absolutely do understand the point of the comment and was just going to "leave it to the side," especially since the post is a few days ago, I absolutely can't. I can be extremely obsessive when I feel as if I've done something wrong. I can feel even lower self-esteem than I already do in your every day life when I make a mistake, especially one this bad, and while I don't think it's ever appropriate for me to reach out to my brother again and apologize, I can at least learn to live with myself. Unfortunately, I couldn't see myself doing that without making this follow-up.
So, to clarify, the way I responded to him wasn't the best way, and I can acknowledge that. I also want to clarify that my intention of my response wasn't that I wanted to neglect his request. Regardless of how I interpreted the response at face value, I wouldn't have minded taking his request into consideration, but it's understandable how the way I responded would've suggested otherwise. I admit that I was immediately kind of thrown off when he brought it up because, like I said, it was a first time complaint, and my immediate thought simply was that there are numerous ways a person could navigate this situation on their own end.
However, that doesn't justify the way I handled this situation, and I didn't mean to go about it so poorly. I don't know if that's a neurodivergent thing, but something that's always triggered my feelings of inferiority is the fact that I sometimes do or say bad things with a whole lack of awareness because of neurodivergence. I've been getting better, but because of me processing this criticism, such a wave of insecurity is hitting me as harsh as it's done in the past.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can do anything to make up for the wrong words I told my older brother.
But if there is nothing, then there is nothing. Like I said, though, one thing I can do is try to live comfortably with this mistake because being totally silent about it wasn't helping me.
I'd be focusing on one task and then jump into an immediate depressive episode because this incident suddenly pops back up in my mind. I talked to my therapist about it, but I can't take his input at face value.
I always felt like I come off as an insufferable person to most people, and my guesses don't tend to be wrong.
I don't know what else to do or say. I don't know how to stop making mistakes like this.
It's not unhelpful; I just can no longer see it myself.
At first, I agreed with you, but after reflecting on the criticism for a few days, I've been feeling evil and even crying.
The intensity of the situation... I disrespected my brother, told him and other family members something as disparaging as "Fuck off" all because of an awful mistake I made in the first place.
And now I'm isolated from my family to the highest possible degree, I'm feeling the usual inferiority complex I've dealt with for ages, and I sometimes have nights lying in bed not knowing what to do, not knowing if I can do anything. My motivation seems entirely usurped because of this.
The only way I've been able to get some relief was to cry while looking at pictures of or messages from this very important person. That's it.
I had to make this post as the only other way I could've thought to find peace. Maybe I won't. This was a really terrible mistake.
Let yourself feel your feelings and understand that they will eventually pass. I'm sure your family will understand if you explain once you feel better, and if they don't I'd be surprised. You're not a bad person.