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this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2024
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This is my take away from this. I've gotten nothing trying to live by the rules and trying to be a kind human being. At this point why the fuck shouldn't I just be a selfish asshole, it seems to work for the people we hold as exemplars of our society.
Sounds like you don't value being a good person, which is fine. For me it's the only thing I value. Take my justice; take my earnings; take my freedom; you won't ever find me lose hope that being kind to others may result in me meeting others who will be kind to me. That when we are together; I will have found my home and the place where I belong in this brief moment before I am dust.
At the same time. I cannot be kind to those that take justice from my brothers and sisters; I cannot be kind to those that take earnings from my brothers and sisters; I cannot be kind to those that take freedom from my brothers and sisters. That would not be kind for the people I love more then anything.
I value being a good person, but if being a good person gets people killed and the alternative doesn't, then being a good person relies on not being a good person.
It's a paradox, but if saving America means putting on a baseball cap, dropping a few racial slurs, and calling the opposing political party an "enemy from within" who must be "purged", is what wins an election, than for God's sake do it.
I wouldn't say I don't value being a good person, but I'm tired man. It's getting real hard to hold onto my faith in humanity to be better.
I've tried being a good person, to help people when I can. I look around though and all I see are selfish assholes having a much better time, assholes who aren't sad, and despondent all the time.
To twist the saying, if assholery is bliss, this folly to be kind.
I'm not so jealous that I think about abandoning things that make me, me. Maybe I'm a shit person and I should change here and there to experience a different side of things. Except, I rely on who it is I think I am and want to be. Everyday. If I could easily shed that, I probably would, because I'll tell you it comes with a lot of suffering and grief. Anxiety, depression, apathy, and a constant numbness to the world around me. There is something rare about me you probably will not find in your day to day. I have abandoned everything once and you know what I found? All roads lead home. Though, I've been able to shed some other baggage and surround myself with the person I admire most I keep fighting for the person I want to be.
I'm tired, I'll admit it. The only thing I can say for myself, though, is my life is now full of purpose.