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this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2024
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politics
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"how many roadkill raccoons have YOU fit into a roadkill deer? Huh, Mr Waltz?!?"
My opponent has never chainsawed off the head of a dead whale for personal whale anatomy experiments. Do you really want someone without that valuable experience as second in line for the presidency?
leans on podium "hey buddy, what are you doing after this?"
Waltz: "going to pick up my wife and go for a nice drive, you?"
RFK: "So I'm hearin 'nothin'. How bout we find some dead animals and relocate them to other places, with oft-stolen items? If I can find a cat, I'm gonna put it by the library with a rolled up $20."
Waltz: "Why does it have to be rolled up?"
RFK: "that's... look man, that's just how it already is right now, alright? That's how the bank lady gave it to me, or whatever. Anyways, if we find a squirrel, I'm putting it at an elementary school with a gun, some drugs and a flamingo lawn ornament."
Waltz: "and this is a hobby of yours?"
RFK: incoherent screaming
RFK is an insane piece of shit but he’s been sober for a very long time. He used to be hella addicted to heroin.