Comics

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| | (main) | created main loop & timing control | 14 hours ago | | (main) | enabled config file parsing | 9 hours ago | | (main) | misc bugfixes | 5 hours ago | | (main) | code additions/edits | 4 hours ago | | (main) | more code | 4 hours ago | | (branch) | here have code | 4 hours ago | | (branch) | aaaaaaaa | 3 hours ago | | (main) | adkfjslkdfjsdklfj | 3 hours ago | | (main) | my hands are typing words | 2 hours ago | | (main) | haaaaaaaaands | 2 hours ago |

[White Hat stands behind Cueball, who is sitting at a computer.] White Hat: Why do you like functional programming so much? What does it actually get you? Cueball: Tail recursion is its own reward.

[A short computer program.]

Define DoesItHalt(program):
{
    Return True;
}

[Caption below the panel]:

The big picture solution to the halting problem.

class Ball extends Throwable {}
class P{
    P target;
    P(P target) {
        this.target = target;
    }
    void aim (Ball ball) {
        try {
            throw ball;
        }
        catch (Ball b) {
            target.aim(b);
        }
    }
    public static void main(String[] args) {
        P parent = new P(null);
        P child = new P(parent);
        parent.target = child;
        parent.aim(new Ball());
    }
}

define HalfheartedMergeSort(list):
    if length(list)<2:
        return list
    pivot=int(length(list)/2)
    a=HalfheartedMergeSort(list[:pivot])
    b=HalfheartedMergeSort(list[pivot:])
    // ummmmm
    return [a,b] // Here. Sorry.

define FastBogoSort(list):
    // An optimized BogoSort
    // Runs in O(n log n)
    for n from 1 to log(length(list)):
        shuffle(list):
        if isSorted(list):
            return list
    return "Kernel Page Fault (Error code: 2)"

define JobInterviewQuicksort(list):
    Ok so you choose a pivot
    Then divide the list in half
    for each half:
        check to see if it's sorted
            no, wait, it doesn't matter
        compare each element to the pivot
            the bigger ones go in a new list
            the equal ones go into, uh
            the second list from before
        hang on, let me name the lists
            this is list A
            the new one is list B
        put the big ones into list B
        now take the second list
            call it list, uh, A2
        which one was the pivot in?
        scratch all that
        it just recursively calls itself
        until both lists are empty
            right?
        not empty, but you know what I mean
    am I allowed to use the standard libraries?

define PanicSort(list):
    if isSorted(list):
        return list
    for n from 1 to 10000:
        pivot=random(0,length(list))
        list=list[pivot:]+list[:pivot]
        if isSorted(list):
            return list
    if isSorted(list):
        return list:
    if isSorted(list): //this can't be happening
        return list
    if isSorted(list): //come on come on
        return list
    // oh jeez
    // i'm gonna be in so much trouble
    list=[]
    system("shutdown -h +5")
    system("rm -rf ./")
    system("rm -rf ~/*")
    system("rm -rf /")
    system("rd /s /q C:\*") //portability
    return [1,2,3,4,5]

[Megan and Cueball are at the top of a grassy hill, rendered in silhouette. Megan is lying down on the grass while Cueball is sitting.]
Cueball: I don't understand how my brain works.

[A close-up of the two characters. Megan lifts her head slightly.]
Cueball: But my brain is what I rely on to understand how things work.

[The shot zooms out again.]
Megan: Is that a problem?
Cueball: I'm not sure how to tell.

[The comic is a flowchart. In order to explain this in text, follow the line numbers. Options follow on new lines without numbers.]
How to write good code.
[10.] Start Project. [Go to 20.]

[20.] Do things right or do them fast?
Fast [Go to 30.]
Right [Go to 40.]

[30.] Code fast. [Go to 35.]

[35.] Does it work yet? 
No [Go to 30.]
Almost, but it's become a mass of kludges and spaghetti code. [Go to 50.]

[40.] Code well. [Go to 45.]

[45.] Are you done yet?
No. [Go to 40.]
No, and the requirements have changed. [Go to 50.]

[50.] Throw it all out and start over. [Go to 10.]

[60.] ? [Go to 70.]

[70.] Good code.

[There is a binary Christmas tree, with each node a ball, and lights strung between parent and child nodes. Beneath it is a heap of presents - sorted with the largest on top, smaller presents connected to it with string. Next to the tree is Cueball and his parents, Hairbun and another Cueball.]
Cueball: It's a Christmas tree with a heap of presents underneath!
Mother: ...We're not inviting you home next year.