x86 was a mistake
radish
joined 1 month ago
I think you fear hypothetical hate crimes and hypothetical regret more than your current very real misery. Refusing to let yourself live a life as yourself because of what might happen isn't healthy.
Judging by your replies in this thread, you aren't in an extremely dangerous area. I'm not sure where you live so I can't say for certain, but there are queer people everywhere and before giving up hope entirely I'd look into what the queer community looks like in your area, irl or online. I live in a small town in the US with a lot of conservatives but I know at least a few queer people, and I've been medically transitioning for over a year now. It's easier said than done of course but I think you should at least try; repressing yourself is only going to make you feel worse.
Regardless of what labels you find fit you best too, you should try to become the person you enjoy being the most. Whether that involves looking into HRT or presenting more feminine (which it seems you've started doing), or whatever you'd like, I think you should be yourself, regardless of what others might think. It's not a commitment either, you can decide something's not for you at any time.
ah ur right