Teknevra

joined 4 days ago
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How do I (17M) tell our youth leader that I'm an agnostic and that I won't be part of the music team?

As the title suggests, I’m an agnostic—meaning that whether or not God exists, He/She/It cannot be fully proven. To me, it makes sense that science neither proves nor disproves God or the supernatural. So while I’m agnostic regarding the general concept of God, I’m essentially an atheist when it comes to Christianity.

That said, I don’t hold extreme views about Christianity. I don’t think Christians are delusional for believing in God, nor do I see Christianity as inherently oppressive. My doubts aren’t personal; they’re more about the epistemology of belief (which I’ll explain in the comments).

My Background and Faith Journey

I’ve been in an evangelical church my whole life 17 years now. When I was around 13-14, I genuinely sought God on a deeper level because I didn’t want to be just another passive, lukewarm Christian. I wanted to carry my cross daily, deny myself, resist worldly desires, deepen my theological knowledge, and try my best to devote my life to Christ. (I also watched a lot of John Piper and Christian commentary).

However, as I explored my faith intellectually, doubts emerged. At 14, I leaned toward Catholicism I remember crying while praying to God about how much Catholicism made sense and how my life up to that point felt like a lie. I even planned to get baptized in the Catholic Church even if my parents are againt it. But after months of watching countless debates, reading articles, and engaging in online discussions, I eventually concluded that Christianity, in general, isn’t true. That realization didn’t hit me as hard as my shift from evangelicalism to Catholicism probably because the first domino was the one that mattered the most because I couldn't believe that it made so much sense.

So My family has been part of this church for two decades (they were formerly Catholics), and I grew up there. People see me as a devoted Christian, and I genuinely like the people there—they’re nice and not particularly judgmental. So I’ve never had a "Man, these Christians are hypocrites" type of experience.

My Youth Leader and the Dilemma

My youth leader, Chris, is about 28-29 he's been a youth leader (not a pastor) since he was 21 (I'll explain it much later). I’ve known him for around 10 months, and 1-2 times a month during fridays, he, my close friend (who’s 16), and I go out for a Bible study (though only if my friend goes too) but I don't feel any discomfort with Chris at all except when I have to talk about my experience with God which I don't have so I just vaguely talk about it the same way I would explain it when I was 13-14 (which only happens during fridays). Honestly we just talk about random stuff after during sundays. And one thing I should mention is that there aren’t that many guys our age who regularly attend church just about five of us so my participation in the church means a lot.

So, Chris is an easygoing guy and is nice, but I don’t want to burst the bubble that I’ve actually been an atheist-agnostic for the past two years. He used to live a rough life, he was deep into drugs, involved in street fights, and hit rock bottom when he overdosed. At his lowest point, he prayed to God as a last resort and felt a renewed sense of purpose, which led him back to faith. I think that’s a beautiful transformation for anyone.

Naturally, he has a lot of assumptions about why Christians leave the faith. Once, he talked about a Hillsong songwriter who became an atheist, and I could feel the disappointment and disgust in his tone. However, he also mentioned that, like Samson, God still used that person in his younger years to write Christian music. That’s probably the most judgmental I’ve seen him be—otherwise, he’s easygoing.

Now, here’s the issue**:** I don’t know if I should tell him I can’t be the lead guitarist for the church’s music team. For the past two months, both Chris and my friend have been hyping me up for the role (my friend plays rhythm guitar), and because I’m too much of a people pleaser, I signed up last Sunday.

They’re not forcing me, but I feel like the pressure has been building because I haven’t been upfront about my beliefs. Now I’m stuck. This is my lowest point (exaggeration) but it's still a tough situation for me.

So what do I do?

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(Please note: In this blog I will refer to God the Creator as Abba, Aramaic for “father” or “dad,” per the recommendation of Jesus and St. Paul.)

Abba embeds beauty within the universe.

In previous blogs, we have discussed the relational nature of the universe, and the reliance of relationality upon time for its expression. The universe does not consist of separate objects that bounce off each other on occasion; the universe consists of interrelated synergies that derive their being from one another. This cosmic interrelatedness derives from the Trinity’s interrelated nature. 

We will now explore a peak experience of relationship, the experience of beauty. In my book, The Great Open Dance, I discuss beauty while discussing the cosmos (Chapter Three), before discussing humankind (Chapter Four). This placement is an assertion. If we discuss beauty when discussing human experience, then we implicitly assert that beauty arises from our perception of the universe and does not preexist that perception. Beauty would have no being independent of us. 

But if we discuss beauty before we discuss humanity, then we implicitly assert that beauty preexists us in the universe and was always there, waiting to be perceived. The Bible suggests that beauty, as an enjoyable quality of the universe, preexists us.

In the first chapter of Genesis, after each day of work but before the creation of humankind, Abba declares the result “good” (Hebrew: tov). Abba already enjoys the cosmos, even before humans join it. Yet, after Abba creates humans, Abba declares the universe “very good” (Hebrew: tov meod), because now humans can join Abba in that enjoyment. We can see the goodness that Abba sees, share that experience with one another, and praise Abba “in the beauty of holiness” (Psalm 29:2b KJV). 

But if the beauty of the cosmos is a gift, why is anything “achingly beautiful”? This experience is so common that writing programs identify “achingly beautiful” as a cliché. Why isn’t the experience of beauty an unalloyed pleasure?

Sin is separation—from God, one another, and the cosmos. Beauty is salt in that wound because beauty reminds us of our separation. The universe and its inhabitants are emanations of Abba, unique expressions of the divine nature. Just as the Sun produces light and heat, so Abba produces spirit and matter. 

Abba created us for awareness of this primordial unity, but our capacity to perceive it has been lost, and our intuition tells us that we lost it. When we ache for beauty, we are aching for reunion. We sense the infinite within the finite and yearn for what we cannot fully receive.

Sometimes, in a state of agitation, we may want to possess beauty for ourselves. But we cannot extract anything from everything because it is all of a piece. Like clouds reflected in a stream, the object of desire cannot be extricated from its environs and placed within the sole possession of the self. We will come back empty handed and frustrated until we learn to revel in beauty, without possessiveness.

Cosmic evolution fosters the experience of beauty.

Among the three persons of the Trinity, Christ is Truth, Spirit is Wisdom, and Abba is Law. Although this may seem a restrictive designation for Abba, those who have known lawlessness best know the blessing of law. The opposite of law is chaos, and the correlate of law is cosmos. 

Abba, as the Architect of cosmos, has blessed the universe with physical laws that govern the interaction of mass, energy, space, and time. Discerning these physical laws is like discerning the rules of a game that we are watching people play. We can’t see the rules themselves, but we see that the game is ordered, we infer the rules that provide that order, and we thank the Author of those rules.

In the human quest for understanding, the natural sciences seek to understand these physical laws. Over time, scientists have developed numerous symbol systems by which to analyze them—chemical notation, nuclear notation, gene nomenclature, mathematical physics, etc. Faith also calls us to study natural law, for within the cosmic order we encounter the mind of Abba. Hence, there should be no conflict between science and faith. They are twin aspects of one underlying quest for knowledge.

The physical laws of the universe foster increasing complexity through time. According to physicists, the process of cosmic evolution began with the Big Bang, when an extremely dense bundle of energy suddenly expanded, producing space, time, and the four fundamental forces of the universe with it. 

After 370,000 years, the universe was homogeneous, a diffuse cloud of hydrogen with some helium and traces of lithium. This universe would have been quite boring, unless you really, really loved hydrogen. Fortunately, this pervasive simplicity possessed a disposition to complexity, an innate tendency to become more differentiated through time. 

Stellar evolution began when gravity condensed the hydrogen, helium, and lithium into stars. The gravitational pressure of those stars fused the hydrogen, sequentially, into helium, carbon, oxygen, neon, magnesium, etc., culminating in iron. Once iron was formed, stars of a certain mass collapsed, exploding as supernovas. 

These explosions produced (most of) the periodic table of elements, which began to combine in complex ways, initiating chemical evolution. 

On Earth, about 3.5 billion years ago, some of these chemicals began to adapt to their environments, utilize energy for growth, and replicate themselves. Life appeared, and the process of biological evolution began. 

Living organisms developed increasingly sophisticated ways of sensing their environment, becoming responsive to hot and cold, light and dark, safety and danger, prey and predator. Eventually, the process of neurological evolution produced an expansive knowledge of the environment. 

But something surprising happened when organisms became aware, not only of their environment, but of themselves. Even more mysteriously, at the height of neurological evolution, organisms became aware of their awareness of themselves. The cosmic evolution that began from a unitary seed of hyper-concentrated energy has resulted in living beings who can contemplate their own existence, discern the origins of the universe, and commemorate the processes that brought them into being. Cosmic evolution has resulted in something radically new. Cosmic evolution has resulted in us. 

Through emergence, the whole is other than the sum of the parts. 

Paradoxically, in a universe that tends to disorder, complexity has emerged from simplicity. The concept of emergence arose in the late nineteenth century. Emergence argues that several things can combine to produce a new thing that is qualitatively different from its constituent parts. The classic example is water. Pure hydrogen at forty degrees Celsius at sea level is a flammable gas. Pure oxygen at forty degrees Celsius at sea level is a flammable gas. But if you combine them into their most stable form, you get water, which at forty degrees Celsius at sea level is a nonflammable liquid. We breathe oxygen, burn hydrogen, and drink water. 

Water cannot be properly understood as the sum of oxygen and hydrogen because the properties of water are so different from those of oxygen and hydrogen. Combination is not addition; combination is transformation. For this reason, to understand water you must study water itself. Anyone trying to study water by studying oxygen and hydrogen separately, then predicting the properties of their union, would fail. Emergence is unpredictable because emergence is truly new. The whole is not only greater than the sum of the parts; the whole is other than the sum of the parts. 

The human mind is an emergent property of matter. As such, it perceives beauty, which is an emergent property of the universe. At this dizzying height of evolutionary experience, a door opens into “ecstasy” or ex stasis: stepping “outside oneself ” into the teeming expanse of the cosmos. Swept into the rapture of this cosmic perspective, we gain a glimpse into the mind of Abba the Artist, into their overwhelming intelligence and excruciating patience. Most importantly, we gain a glimpse into their startling generosity, which has made the universe more beautiful than necessary—for us. (Adapted from Jon Paul Sydnor, The Great Open Dance: A Progressive Christian Theology, pages 87-89)

*****

For further reading, please see: 

Baylis, C. A. “The Philosophic Functions of Emergence.” Philosophical Review 38 (1929) 372–84.

Feynman, Richard P. The Pleasure of Finding Things Out: The Best Short Works of Richard P. Feynman. Edited by Jeffrey Robbins. New York: Basic, 2005.

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I'll keep it simple.

To be clear I don't believe this.

But evangelicals seem to love it when numerology gets intertwined with the Bible, particularly Revelations.

I mean how many raptures were we supposed to have experienced in the past 50 years based on some wacko numerology theory or another?

So...

MAGA:

M = letter number 13 A = 1 G = 7 A = 1

13 + 1 + 7 + 1 = 22

Trump is the 45th and 47th president:

45 + 47 = 92

The tribulation will last 7 years:

7 x 92 = 644

644 + MAGA (22) = 666

If you believe it it's true.

Fin

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For me it was my grandmother telling me I'm going to hell because I don't like going to church or hearing a pastor of what I like to call " a white nationalist trump church" say awful about Barack Obama and lgbtq people...

what's your experiences?

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So I recently decided to officially convert to Unitarianism (in the UK, not affiliated with UUism, no hate at all btw, just stating the difference because it's different here), which has been a huge boon for my life.

I'm very happy with my newfound faith, especially because of the Unitarian history of radical social progressivism even when such views were unpopular.

It makes me feel like I've finally found a faith I align with completely that I'm proud to associate with and be active in the community of.

But as a trans woman I have a lot of friends and community who aren't Christian and/or have trauma relating to Christianity, most are Jewish/Muslim/pagan/atheist who have had to live with regressive bullying and abuse in the name of Christ.

And I don't want to make them feel afraid of the possibility I might hold hostile attitudes towards them or make them relive that trauma because I call myself Christian.

I want to cultivate a comfortable space with the people around me and I don't want to cause any lingering fears or trigger anybody, and show how Jesus Christ's teachings, when lived truthfully rather than according to dogmatic antiquated literal interpretations, are actually very supportive, radically progressive and filled with nothing but love and kindness for others.

It's nothing to do with shame.

I don't feel ashamed to live my truth.

I simply want to make sure I live that truth without ignoring the sensibilities of people who have been made afraid of this identity, because it isn't their fault they feel that fear and in some cases they are right to hold it, and I love them dearly, and do not want to cause them any further pain.

I know that the people who know me well know that I am not like this, so I can assume that I live a life that shows that, but it's a different matter with introductions and first impressions, like a profile bio or an early conversation about activities around my faith.

I was wondering if any of you had any advice on how I can present myself in this sort of way?

One that doesn't compromise on myself or my faith, but also doesn't just give people reason to dismiss me or feel anxious about the kind of person I am.

And I know that some might say this isn't my problem, but if I'm making people feel unloved in my community because of common experiences that were out of their control, I feel that is my problem to address in the way I communicate and present.

So I would very much appreciate guidance or help on this matter.

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