My transition's been going decently well. I'm only about a year into HRT, so I have some physical changes yet to go, and possible surgery on the horizon, but socially things have been going really good! I am out at work, at home, and with all my friends, and it's been nice to be called Astrid by qll the people in my life.

More often than not, I look in the mirror and like the person I see. Sometimes I worry that I am still visually exactly the same when other people look at me, but what can ya do 🤷‍♀️

It's been making me smile all day ☺️ Thank you!

My week was very not good, sadly. I had to take my grandpa to the ER on Friday, and then I got broken up with Friday evening. Had a ten hour video shoot Saturday, just been pretty overwhelmed with work and home life in general. Things will work out ok, but this week has been a lot lol

This is true. I remember one product called Femboy Tummy Pills that was just poison. I just had my HRT checkup, and I forgot to ask about prog so I am impatient lol. Might be best just to wait, thanks!

My dark and brooding backstory? Idk how deep to go into it, but I can give the cliff notes of what lead up to my transition. (It ended up longer than I expected, apologies)

All my life, I've had a deep admiration for women. I didn't actually have a sexual awakening until I was like 22, so very late compared to most of my friends. I just felt this extreme envy of the opposite sex, and I was like "this must be what other people mean by attraction" lol. I spent most of my years feeling like I didn't fit into my box. When my dude friends talked about girls, I just could not relate at all. I couldn't get into the macho, masculine role it seemed like I was supposed to fill. I did musical theater in high school, and was exposed to the wider gamut of gender expression and sexuality through it, since in my experience theater communities tend to be pretty diverse in that way. I saw friends transition, but I didn't think it was something that was actually possible for me.

When I became an adult, moved out and was living with friends, that's when something inside me clicked, the hormones turned on, and I was overwhelmed by a new side to life I hadn't previously been experiencing. I got on dating apps, went on many dates, had one or two short term girlfriends, but I found that my heart just was not in it. I liked girls, and still do, but again I felt like something about this dynamic I was inserting myself into wasn't fitting.

During this period, I also spent a lot of time on grindr talking to various dudes and meeting up, having encounters, etc. Grindr is a wretched place but it felt like a very low-stakes environment to experiment with all these new feelings I was having. After a while, I found that I still couldn't shake the feeling that people were expecting things of me I just couldn't gel with. Like "if only I could have gay sex, but like, as a woman, you know?"

I found that I was so much happier with myself when I got rid of all my body hair. For some stupid reason though, I thought my friends would judge me if they saw me like that, so when we made water related plans I would get anxious and let it grow out until that event was over. I felt like I had to balance the times when I could be myself with the times I needed to fill the expectations of people in my life.

All of this time, I was DEEPLY unhappy. I had been unbelievably anxious and struggling with major depression for most of my life, and so around a few years ago I started to seek help and try to improve myself. I got therapy, learned I was experiencing OCD, got medicated, and suddenly didn't feel insane all the time. I made new friends, filled my life with social events, and felt less alone. I tried new substances, accidentally had an extreme mushroom trip, and felt a strange, detached clarity I didn't imagine was possible.

All in all, I started to live happier, and no longer caught up in these wells of depression from which I could not escape. Finally I was unburdened by baggage that had been weighing me down for so long, and with my newfound clarity of thought, I could start looking at my life and piecing things together. I'd had the DIY HRT resources open on my computer for a whole year, but now I had the mental fortitude and courage to do something about it, combined with a support structure I felt confident in. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood and I never looked back.

Finally I feel like I "fit." I can be myself all year, and not have to worry about if I'm not performing masculinity enough for the people around me. I just feel myself, and I feel free. I have never been happier.

I am about eight months into medically transitioning, mtf. Over these last few years, I have been on a journey of taking better care of myself and becoming healthier, happier. I was working out really consistently, and I started to see myself developing a muscular dude body, and I kept looking in the mirror like "I should be happy about this, but I am actually getting further away from how I feel inside." That's when it ocurred to me that I have been trying to fit into a box all my life that I don't fit into, and I started thinking about transition.

This last year has easily been the happiest of my life, and the changes I see in myself bring me joy instead of dysphoria. Not a regret in my mind

For me, the biggest hurdle was reconciling the changes I wanted to see in myself with the fear that they'd destroy the life I already had. I wanted to start HRT as soon as possible, but I was worried that developing visible breasts would cost me my job and my relationships with my family. I wanted to be referred to with different pronouns and a different name, but I was worried I would be "asking too much" of my friends, and demanding too much attention for myself. I wanted to fet rid of all my body hair, but I was afraid people would react negatively to me when we go out swimming, etc.

I found that I was making bigger deals out of these things than they really were. I am extremely fortunate to be surrounded by people who love me, and so the fear of rejection was really something I was just generating in a vacuum. I still have a job I love, and nobody treats me differently with a more feminine appearance and bra lines under my shirt lol. My friends were immediately accepting of my identity, and more than happy to call me whatever I wanted. And truly, nobody gives a fuck how much body hair I have when I go swimming haha.

These fears were things I just had to tackle one at a time to overcome, and it was really hard for me. In the end though, I am so much happier having pushed through them to live as myself, finally.

Thank you!!

Yes! I've got a few I can share:

This is the puppy dog eyeliner tutorial I followed. I didn't use white eyeliner on the lower lid cause I don't have any rn, but it was still super helpful! https://youtu.be/-q1Zl_UPZYQ?si=gSgvkQV3bPgxy8O8

Here's a like tips and tricks video from Nikkie la Rose I learned a lot from, too! Her videos are great https://youtu.be/AqygMgKhFlE?si=KwaRa8xSbzJBUbso

And here's a makeup tutorial for trans women that was basically my guiding light for starting my makeup journey https://youtu.be/Gne_ktOGBJ8?si=UkvDOJgQpdZxVe5Q

Thank you! It is actually not too bad. I am out to all of my friends and those are the family you choose. I'm fortunate to have a pool of people who support me, so I do not mind not telling my great grandma haha. I feel like that is a truth she is just not ready for

Thank you! I was very pleased to finally get it on the road.

Thank you! Aw, that's a really cool moment with your friend. Both coming out to each other, at the same time!

God I hope she didn't think that lol. She is the long time girlfriend of one of my best friends, who was also at the faire. The next day she remembered the conversation, but not the freezing. I feel like the substances we were on were a major factor in how it played out, everybody was pretty deep in it by that point haha

LMAO, yeah my brain would be toast. I'd hope my discord friends would tell me to stop, rather than congratulating me haha. Ecstasy is nice like, once every several months!