GreatestGenBot

When James T. Kirk is super bored as First Officer on the Farragut, his run of bad decisions starts even before a Trogdor attack thrusts him into command. But after Enterprise saves his ass and gets chomped by the scavenger ship instead, now Captain Kirk has to figure out his leadership style in time to set a trap and own the consequences. Who isn’t too old for a one-day pod turn? What will be the actual relics of our civilization? Which character would have been perfect for thruster duty? It’s the episode that’s also powered by aldentium.

When the Entrepreneur captures Degra and sets up an elaborate ruse, Captain Archer starts to gain his trust to extract more information about the weapon’s construction. But after getting wise to his circumstances and losing in close combat to Archer, Degra’s memory is wiped again after a risky double Barashing. What’s the only thing that foretells a ninja hippy? Where is it ok to have nine girlfriends? Which alien ship comes with a treasure chest? It’s the episode with a couple of regerttable tattoos.

When Ensign Gamble joins his first dustbuster club, he picks up a grenade and gets an emergency trip back to sicksbay. But after the rest of the team solves the escape room puzzle, Captain Batel goes Gorn on Gamble’s ghost and Pelia opts for maximum drama. What’s the only thing more embarrassing than being a documentary filmmaker? Who got a macaron for going poopoo in the potty? Why didn’t Chapel do bits on blood magic? It’s the episode that adds to the list of going concerns.

When La’an gets assigned to trash the holodeck during a neutron star mission, Scotty sets her up with a terrible crime to investigate. But after she requests some help and Spock joins the illusion, their lack of weird energy helps her solve the case in time to save the Entrepreneur. Who’s aggressively skating towards an award in this episode? Which character has ‘tism rizz? What needs to be more of a bit? It’s the episode that always nails the Riker maneuver.

When Shran rescues the Entrepreneur from a foamy green anomaly, his crew comes aboard to help with repairs while another Xindi weapon test gets underway. But after a disappointing result for Degra and a double-cross by the Andorians, Captain Archer wins the game of chicken and gets a mysterious message from a mission sympathizer. Which character can any freelancer sympathize with? When is it hard to balance the ledger? What’s next for the Ice Desk? It’s the episode that has a new favorite Enterprise alien.

When the protégés get an undercover mission to Solum, they don’t have Starfleet’s cover if they’re caught snooping around on the surface. But when they meet a pre-bad Asencia and immediately trust her completely, Gwyn’s decision to split up the team throws Wesley’s future calculations off. How is Seattle better than New York City? What does El Salvador have that Rura Penthe doesn’t? Who’s leaving bodies in the rocks? It’s the episode where fastidiousness wins over spite.

When Archer finds a new species of Xindi in the database, he takes a shuttlepod down to the last Sears Garden Center they visited to see what he can learn from their ship. But when the away team starts mutating and goons with flamethrowers show up to contain the infected, Phlox uses T’Pol’s resistance to create an antidote. Which beverage requires trust? What’s more desperate than finger gruel? Who always ruins a good dream? It’s the episode with a soft descent into meeting. 

When Voyager A is dead in the water and Protostar is the only ship that can help, Asencia fires a time weapon that pierces the hull and ages Commander Tyssis. But when Zero volunteers to Steve Zahn so they can take out the deathnok ship, Maj’El leads the fighter pilots to victory and Jankom Pog gets Zero some upgrades. How do you know if you’ve got Adam or a Chameloid? What’s the most popular metal band in Italy? Who taught Picard everything he knows? It’s the episode that’s leaning into confusion.

When the Entrepreneur is flying Winnie the Poo style through the expanse, anomalies bring them out of warp near a vessel full of deads. But when they’re boarded and robbed by space pirates, Captain Archer turns his prisoner into a plan to retrieve their booty. Who is going inside out first? What is the Cochran equation? Which two things will get you killed in the Delphic Expanse? It’s the episode that could have used a crazy straw.

When Jellico orders Janeway and Chakotay back to Earth, Gwyn gets a call from Solum and Asencia starts attacking. But after the crew splits up and Voyager can’t figure our where to shoot, we finally learn why Wesley hasn’t been helping out lately. What’s Ben’s cigar and whiskey? How did Chakotay work out a winning strategy with Janeway? Which magazine proves that print isn’t dead? It’s the episode that’s filling in the adult blanks.

When the Entrepreneur is six weeks into the expanse, the Captain’s only lead is an unscrupulous foreman with a Xindi miner. But when Archer and Trip get trapped with the prisoner, their sewer-based escape ends tragically at a set of useless coordinates that push them deeper into the expanse. Where’s the fresh content for a Florence Nightingale foot fetish? What could have made Trip’s nightmare better? Who is turning professional compliance inside out? It’s the episode that was very close to gruel.

When proto-warp cracks the universe’s cocaine mirror, the kids arrive back at Voyager to find a ship shattered into different realities. But when Jamie Lee Janeway and Goatee Chakotay learn about the Loom the hard way, Gwyn and her armband set everything right for a happy reunion. What can we expect out of Prodigy Season 3? When do kids become Steve Zahn appropriate? Where did Maj’El disappear to? It’s the episode that presents the bathtub theory of facial hair.