GreatestGenBot

When Dr. Loomis fumbles a high stakes mental patient transfer, he’ll go on as many laid back strolls as it will take to hunt down the escapee. But when Michael Myers starts having a little too much fun, it’ll lead Loomis right to him. Is hair combing a post or pre-coitus activity? When’s the last time you saw a raccoon? How many lunatics can you fit in a station wagon? It’s the episode that’s 90 minutes long but only lasts a minute and fifteen seconds.

When Data finds some popsicles and brings them aboard the ship, Dr. Crusher thaws them out just as Picard orders the Entrepreneur into the Neutral Zone. But after the crew starts suspecting Romulans of destroying Federation outposts, Picard keeps his cool and forges a very tenuous alliance. What helps season one look a little better? Which law firm still exists in the 24th century? How is the r-word like a pat on the butt? It’s the episode with a convenience caveat.

When a pair of sorcerer brothers are locked in an age-old battle, bad boy Kabal escapes from the castle prison with a mission to conquer Earth. But after a special pendant implicates Doctor Mordrid in a murder investigation, his lady neighbor breaks him out of police custody just in time to save humanity from Kabal’s evil plan. What’s a bad sign for anyone’s mental health? Who is the third supervillain in this film? Which piece of head canon makes this movie 200% better? It’s the episode with an unknown endowment.

When a Code47 surfaces a vague threat of conspiracy, Captain Picard orders the Entrepreneur straight to Starfleet Command. But after Admiral Quinn comes aboard and starts a high kicking contest with Riker, Dr. Crusher sets a trap to phaser the bugs out of everyone. Who should be more enthusiastic about taking off his shirt? How do you tell oral nubbins from anal nubbins? Which role on the ship is heavily NDA’d? It’s the episode that’s still chasing that vindication dragon.

When John Reilly brings his wife and daughter to Italy to take possession of a distant relative’s castle, it all seems a little too good to be true. But when John’s personal demons become more and more apparent, it’s clear that those aren’t the only monsters he’ll have to wrestle with. What’s the best way to get around the MPA? How do you make your dungeon ADA accessible? Which part of the cat should get eaten last? It’s the episode that opts for the shovel again.

When the Entrepreneur experiences a time loop on their way to some well-deserved shore leave, Captain Picard answers a distress call and finds the one who got away living on a chicken nugget in space. But after her husband’s time experiments have led him to the brink of death, Data gets sent into their lab to close the gateway so that the Manheims can return to their research. Who is the only person on the ship that Picard can have a fair fight with? Which moments bring Tasha to mind? What modifications does Dr. Crusher want to make to her uniform? It’s the episode that suggests one more Playmates action figure.

When Dr. West transfers medical schools, he finds himself entrenched in some pretty significant disagreements with the faculty there. But after his roommate gets his student loans revoked and his professor dies, their desperation has them pushing past the side effects of their research. Can we not be weird about boobs? What are acceptable expectations to have for a quiet roommate? Should we take an anatomy class? It’s the episode that wears out the RSVP drops!

When Counselor Troi’s shuttle crashes on Vagra II, the Entrepreneur sends a rescue team down to find a highly-flammable entity made of Metamucil and printer ink. But after several failed hostage negotiations and some serious therapy, Armus’ temper makes Picard want to nuke the sight from orbit. Which host is a “do not disturb” and why? Who else has the right skills to be security chief? How is Armus like God? It’s the episode with a dank and vile pivot for the elevator vending machine.

When Uhura picks up a mysterious comms signal from future herself, a time travel adventure kicks off and her two selves have to work together to save Scotty. But after P’Uhura ends up on the F’Enterprise and F’Uhura ends up on the P’Enterprise, going hands-on with a space vagina is the only way to set things right. Who got personally thanked for “making the world such an awesome place to be”? Which possible time traveller may have just forgotten all the details? What color is this hole actually? It’s the episode that only has one person following the temporal prime directive.

When the Entrepreneur’s mission is to study an exploding star, a distress signal from a nearby freighter leads to an emergency beam out. But after learning that the Brekkians are dealing drugs to the Ornarans, Dr. Crusher’s Hippocratic Oath comes up against Starfleet’s Prime Directive. How are electrocutions on the bridge like Clear and Present Danger? What are the names of the other two Ornaran ships? Why does no one want to play poker with Picard until the finale? It’s the episode that wants to elevate the elevator experience.

When it’s La’an’s turn to deal with some heavy emotional shit, a magical flat planet full of doppelgängers is where the story will play out. But after a couple of fairytale characters try to take over the iron dragon, La’an reunites her light and dark selves and the evil queen gets beamed straight to the brig. What’s the most well-established plot device in Star Trek? How do you know a mask is insufficient? Who is real in the Elysian Kingdom? It’s the episode that finally comes full circle on season 4.

When Bill and Rob tag along for a trip to The Factory, Adam and Ben drive them deep into the outskirts of Las Vegas. But when Cheesecake Factory puts the “rough” in “roughage” there's only one elusive dessert that can possibly save the day. What rising tide lifts all waffles? Can you ever say “no” to whipped cream? Which condiments are the most crucial? It’s the episode that eats cob.