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When the Entrepreneur arrives back at Earth and Captain Archer blows up in his debrief meeting, he ends up on vacation with an old flame who wants to help him clear his head. But after Tucker joins T’Pol for her shore leave on Vulcan, her betrothed makes an offer she really can’t refuse. What’s the real reason for only one laurel on the lectern? Which banger-enhancing upgrade won’t be installed on the NX-02? Who designed Darth Vader’s house? It’s the episode that is the 600th file in a dropbox folder.

When the Entrepreneur arrives at Dr. Korby’s last known location, Nurse Chapel is on speakerphone when he calls up Captain Kirk. But after they beam down to meet his new “friends” and lose two crew members in the caves, Dr. Korby shorts out on love and wipes the slate clean on his mechanistic culture. Which sport is really disgusting? What new square won’t be added to the game of buttholes? How are dishwashers shaped on Exo 3?  It’s the episode that imagines a future of rope chairs.

When Lt. Reed figures out where the timeline went wrong, Vosk offers up his prisoners and Captain Archer starts sharing everything he knows. But after Silik and Vosk clash and the Entrepreneur destroys the temporal hole, the timeline is restored and Agent Daniels agrees to fuck off. Which new collab could turn things around for the Purple Zebra? What’s the best way to hide all that rubble at the White House? Does Vosk have at least one redeeming quality? It’s the episode that would never want to infringe on your freedoms.

When Kirk & Co. pick up an untrustworthy businessman named Harvey Mudd and his women associates, the men on the Enterprise are overtaken by a spell. But when Mudd turns out to be making deals behind Kirk’s back, it’s finally time to pry off this annoying barnacle. Will Kirk be able to withstand the spell? How much slink can you get in one episode? What’s with the groovy Spock? It’s the episode Big Rod wrote after watching a Nancy Sinatra music video!

When the most kick-ass season of Enterprise starts in WWII for some reason, Captain Archer gets kidnapped by gangsters and Silik is back to slinking around on the ship. But after toxic sludge Daniels stumbles into sicksbay and dies, Archer returns to figure out exactly who needs to be stopped. What can be expected from any trip to the post office? Which room is next to the crying room and breastfeeding room? How does J. Paul Boehmer feel about himself? It’s the episode that didn’t have the budget for Khmer Rouge.

When a transporter malfunction strands an away team on a freezing planet, it also creates evil duplicates of Captain Kirk and a weird dog. But after naughty Kirk takes things too far with Yeoman Rand, nice Kirk is convinced to face the fear of recombination. Who is allowed to do father-in-law impressions? What’s the best way to heal an open wound? When would Spock beat Kirk at 3D chess? It’s the episode that’s at the headwaters of a trope.

When Captain Archer leads a dustbuster club onto the Xindi weapon, Tucker and T’Pol stay aboard the Entrepreneur to destroy the network of spheres. But after the Guardians serve up too much space queso and an old friend arrives to help, Archer blows up the weapon and disappears into a new story arc. Which siren song isn’t that hard to resist? Who knows how to party like Klingon warriors? When is it clear that Hoshi is feeling better? It’s the episode that explores our ambivalence towards florescent lights.

When JOE TORMOLEN has an itch he just can't resist, he scratches his way towards starting a full blown pandemic of space madness on the Enterprise. But after Lieutenant Riley takes control of the ship and finds a captive audience for his manosphere podcast, Kirk and Spock set out to find a way to regain command of the Enterprise. Who gets the first neck pinch? When is it appropriate to touch a stranger's love handles? Why even use tricorders? It’s the episode that completely shaves its balls.

When Hoshi wakes up in the A story with Dolim forcing her to decipher launch codes, Captain Archer convinces the mammalian Xindi to let him plead his case to the Aquatics. But after they agree to help and get their fish tanks blown up, a boarding party on its way to the weapon is the Entrepreneur’s last hope to save Earth. Why is the population of Portland so manageable? What is exactly the same as talking on Facetime? Where are Xindi souvenir pasties available? It’s the episode that hasn’t improved from last week.

When a visiting psychiatrist and the Captain’s pet get shocked at the edge of the galaxy, their godlike tendencies begin to threaten the ship. But after the perfect amount of tranquilizer gets Mitchell down to Delta Vega, Kirk has to rock his old pal into an early grave. What’s the first thing you should look for at a party? Who plays 3-D checkers? Is there something important that Star Trek has only done once? It’s the episode that measures death on the spectacularness scale!

When Captain Archer and Degra bring convincing evidence to the council, Dolim starts colluding with a Sphere Maker to steal the weapon and go rogue. But after Commander Tucker finally forgives Degra and Dolim gets his rewenge, the away team returns to the ship with more data on the spheres. Where is the Sword of Xindi Arcocles hanging? Will Ben enjoy Fireball? What natural resource did the Xindi fight wars over? It’s the episode that shows how scary a grappler can be.

When a horny teenage boy comes aboard and starts making dramatic entrances, everyone wants Kirk to play Captain Daddy to help the young slickback with his social skills. But after Charlie gets obsessed with Yeoman Rand and takes control of the ship with his mind, Green Grandpa has to come and take him away to save the Entrepreneur from his powers. Whose Wikipedia page is getting edited this week? Where is HR located on the ship? What could fix Charlie’s whole deal? It’s the episode that only had one size of stretchy pants.