I don’t care what your fucking fairy tale book says

Purple? Did you misspell lavender?

I can’t stress how important this is: babysitting does not, in fact, involve sitting on baby.

Has Musk ever denied hiding the body of a murdered prostitute in the spacesuit that’s in the car he shot into space?

They’re probably European prices, either in euros or even in pre-euro funny money.

They really are disgusting aren’t they

Took me a minute that he wasn’t talking about an actor pretending to be dead, so I was confused at first.

Their idea of a “tech worker” is an angel investor

Zeno. The name is Zeno.

Keep in mind that “and benefits” is doing so much work here, it should get its own union rep.

I’m trying to picture wearing a sock on one foot, and underwear on the other…

Ask them for their social security number, mother’s maiden name, favorite pet, favorite teacher, high school mascot. It should start to dawn on them