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I think it's time for me to break up with my boyfriend (lemmygrad.ml)
submitted 7 months ago by vaquera_medianoche@lemmygrad.ml to c/comradeship@lemmygrad.ml
24 comments fedilink hide all child comments

it sucks. I've been seeing this guy for like a year and a half, and like, idk, he doesn't act like he actually cares about me? it's really weird and i feel really sad a lot because of it.

he's nice ish when we're together but he never talks to me otherwise. he never texts me or calls me, when I text him usually he doesn't reply. he never like takes me out anywhere or wants to do anything with me, everything we do I have to initiate. he just wants to sit around on his phone all the time.

a few months ago he totaled his car, and he still hasn't gotten a new one despite having plenty of money for one because he's a snob and will only get a car he considers "cool" which he can't afford, leaving me on the hook for all our transportation, and despite him having a decent job and like no living expenses he's never once even offered to get a meal for us both. almost every time I take us out he criticises the food/place/people in the place/atmosphere.

two weeks ago I got surgery. I needed to go to another country for it. it was really major surgery and really scary for me. he didn't reach out to me a single time. never called, never wished he luck or asked how I was, still hasn't. yet he's on discord in my discord server all the time talking about other shit. I feel like I'm just not worth somebody caring about if this person who supposedly loves me cares more about discord and memes than like if I even survived anesthesia.

I'm only really with him still because he's not like actively abusive to me, dating strangers is scary, and I don't wanna hurt him by breaking up with him, but honestly I think I'm at a point where I need to just let him go and move on

anyways, idk :3 I'll be oki eventually

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[-] FIST_FILLET@lemmy.ml 49 points 7 months ago

this sounds like an awful relationship

[-] ghost_of_faso2@lemmygrad.ml 47 points 7 months ago

When my partner broke her leg I carried her on my back in the rain right to the ward, just saying OP.

[-] vaquera_medianoche@lemmygrad.ml 38 points 7 months ago

thanks everybody for all the replies :3

i know he always like attributes this behaviour to "mental health" (his exact term not mine), and like, i can probably see that, that could very well be true, but at the same time, he always makes time for the needs of his parents (who hate me and call me a "man playing dress up", i'm not, i'm a woman, and no i don't look like a guy, they're just assholes who know i'm trans so they say that anyways, and even if i did look like a guy i'm a woman so it shouldn't matter, and he doesn't stand up to them for me), so he'll like prioritise his parents' needs for stuff but never do anything for me.

when we're together he kinda always encourages me to drink a lot (for the obvious reason guys do that with girls), and that's also like really unhealthy for me and not really something i want in my life anymore.

and he told me "well i'll never choose you over my parents" in so many words, and it's like, alr dude, well peace ig, idk. i think i'll just kinda not see him for a few weeks and see if he says anything.

anyways thanks y'all i'm glad i have this place, i just needed to vent ig lol :3 <3

[-] ghost_of_faso2@lemmygrad.ml 37 points 7 months ago

he always makes time for the needs of his parents (who hate me and call me a “man playing dress up”

Maybe this is just me, as im estranged over my own parents over them spewing lines like this, but if my partner wasnt willing to argue against this with there parents and draw a line about it being completely unacceptable, we wouldnt even be friends.

[-] vaquera_medianoche@lemmygrad.ml 22 points 7 months ago

ya it really fucks with me mentally. nobody else in my entire life treats me that way (i left my own family over abuse/bigotry a long time ago), and like, idk. i guess i should've gotten out of it sooner probably, i just have very low self esteem

[-] kristina@hexbear.net 15 points 7 months ago

Seconding ghost of faso. Its incredibly important for trans people to build a strong support network, especially without supportive family. You deserve to have a supportive found family, and you are worth it.

[-] ghost_of_faso2@lemmygrad.ml 15 points 7 months ago

Yeah, i've been there before its heart breaking.

A million+ people will treat you the way you want to be treated; it also took me a while to understand that it is actually better to be alone than to suffer through people who undervalue you.

[-] CriticalResist8@lemmygrad.ml 24 points 7 months ago

Ouch, well, if you go no contact for a few weeks, and he goes no contact for a few weeks... are you even still dating at that point?

[-] ProbablyKaffe@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 7 months ago

when we’re together he kinda always encourages me to drink a lot (for the obvious reason guys do that with girls)

Uhh what? This is not normal, unless I'm misunderstanding.

[-] kristina@hexbear.net 33 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

If a guy doesn't help you with post op stuff, drop him. Waste of space. Even many of my friends would pick up the slack if no one was there to help me or talk to me. And those friends have very significant physical and mental health issues of their own.

It's incredibly important for you to have assistance post op with anything, it can lead to life long issues if you don't.

[-] bennieandthez@lemmygrad.ml 31 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Idk if he is dealing with something and the "avoidant attachment" ( i believe it is the correct term ) is his way of dealing with it.

Still IMO, reciprocal interest is the bare mininum for a relationship otherwise you will eventually feel like you're forcing him to talk to you, which feels awful. If there is no reciprocal interest, id run away and youre completely justified to do so.

[-] D61@hexbear.net 30 points 7 months ago

I think its about time for you to break up with them, too.

[-] SadArtemis@lemmygrad.ml 28 points 7 months ago

I hope you break up with him. Self-respect and self-love- namely, the respect to demand better and leave this POS- is infinitely more rewarding than what you're getting out of the relationship right now, isn't it?

[-] Rasm635u@lemmygrad.ml 26 points 7 months ago

After reading the entire post, I suggest you break up

[-] MILFCortana@lemmygrad.ml 25 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

It barely sounds like you're together as is. I was in a similar situation and being with someone passionate about me really made me regret that past relationship. Life is short

[-] simply_surprise@lemmygrad.ml 24 points 7 months ago

It's absolutely the right call. This guy sounds way worse than being single.

[-] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 24 points 7 months ago

Maybe not physically abusive but possibly emotionally abusive. The only thing I would ask is if you have told him about these needs? If you've had an open dialogue about it and he either said he wouldn't change or said he would and didn't, then yeah, time to leave. If not you should make sure you communicate your needs. Although it sounds like in this case you're pretty far beyond that.

[-] CA0311@hexbear.net 24 points 7 months ago

as a total fucking deadbeat who is absurdly lucky to have a partner of ten years, this guy sounds like a dud.

[-] Thordros@hexbear.net 21 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I am currently running on about 4 or 5 hours of sleep in the last three or four days, emergency babysitting my mother's dog at the last possible minute. She's stuck outside the country for an indefinite period. It sucks, but I do it, because I love that pup (and my momma).

If your boyfriend doesn't love you as much as I love my mom's fucking dog, you're probably doing the right thing by bailing.

[-] novibe@lemmy.ml 17 points 7 months ago

Yeah you should break up with him indeed. Like not to tell you what to do ofc, but I would. You can be sure that you are more than worthy of love and care. It’s really not you, but him. Maybe he has good reasons to be like this (depression, depersonalisation etc.), but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer for it. You deserve to be happy.

[-] crusa187@lemmy.ml 16 points 7 months ago

Considering your account, I’m having trouble imagining the benefits of dating this guy which tip the scales in favor of staying. Dating new people can be scary, so be smart and be safe about it. But also know you’ll be having a blast once you meet someone more compatible! Good luck finding them =]

[-] klemptor@startrek.website 14 points 7 months ago

Look I don't know you, but I assure you you're worthy of more love than this manchild is capable of giving you. Do yourself a favor and chuck this loser in the dumpster, and don't look back.

Also:

I'm only really with him still because he's not like actively abusive to me, dating strangers is scary, and I don't wanna hurt him by breaking up with him

IMO none of these are the right reason to be with anyone.

[-] die_livster@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 7 months ago

https://youtu.be/zBepbOXhAR4

[-] TankieReplyBot@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 7 months ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
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