I was comparing Proxmox and Unraid. I had ruled out TrueNAS because it only supports ZFS. I was wrong about the RAM for ZFS, but another issue is that it doesn’t support different disk sizes

The disk size also doesn't have to match. Creating a drive array for ZFS is a 2 phase thing:

Creating a series of 'vdev' which can be single disks or mirrored pairs,

Then you combine the vdevs into a 'zpool' regardless of their sizes and it all becomes one big pool, and it acts somewhere between raid and disk spanning where it reads and writes to all but once any given vdevs is full it just stops going there. I currently have vdevs sets in 12, 8, 6 and three 4 TB sizes for a total of 38 TB of space minus formatting loss.

Example how I have it laid out, it'd be ideal to have them all the same size to balance it better, but it's not required.

end up with all kinds of dependencies and leftover files from shit that you didn’t like.

I've been using debian for 10 years and never had this problem. Apt keeps everything very neat and tidy

Are you downloading random .deb packages off the internet and installing them manually?

I’m going to disagree with this. I’ve setup everything in one Debian server before and it became unwieldy to keep in check when you’re trying new things, because you can end up with all kinds of dependencies and leftover files from shit that you didn’t like.

Run your new things inside Docker OR LXD/Incus and destroy the containers/VMs when not required anymore. I don't get your comment.

Proxmox is perfectly fine. For many years I had an OMV VM for my file server and another server for my containers. If you don’t like what you’ve done it is much easier to just remove one VM doing one thing and switch to some other solution.

And you can use LXD/Incus for that as described. LXD replaces Proxmox the difference is that it isn't an entire OS with quirks but a simple thing you install on Debian. It will allow you to create, move, remove VMs and containers, and also has a WebUI for those interested. The irony here is that in your Proxmox setup, if you're using containers, you're already using LXC containers, a technology effectively created by the same people who made LXD.

But as I said, even if you don't want LXD/Incus you can also use Cockpit, it also provides a WebUI you can use to create and manage your VMs.

People like to complain a lot about things that aren't particularly true. The default file system in Fedora and SUSE is BTRFS and I think that speaks volumes, besides others (including me) having been using BTRFS in production for serious stuff for years now. Even Synology is all up for BTRFS: https://www.synology.com/en-global/dsm/Btrfs

There are also advantages of using LXD/Incus with BTRFS, most likely taking advantage of the sub volume features and snapshots so VMs and containers run faster (each machine gets a sub volume that works like a classic partition and is better / faster than a simple folder with files). Snapshots are also a good feature as you can use them to backup and rollback your base system or the containers/VMs as well.

One note which may not apply to you, I installed my Proxmox to boot from 2 256G SSDs as a basic RAID 1 mirror and only have the bare minimum data in VM storage to reduce size of backups. Backup retention on the boot drives is limited because a cron job on the VM handles copying backups to the MergerFS pool for longer term storage.

Moving docker's data directory to the 'slow' drives was a helpful decision, this post covers the old/wrong ways to do that and the way which worked (data-root). Docker data doesn't take up a huge amount of space, but it saved me some work recently when I found my media server had been down for a while and couldn't remember when it worked last to identify a working backup. I spun up a fresh Debian image and ran through the steps to reinstall the stack, and point to the same Docker data path. Running the same Docker compose command got most services working with the old metadata, though others i renamed/removed the service's path and reconfigured.

My docker-compose and its revisions are the extent of a backup I need for a piracy box as my internet is quick enough to recreate my library within a couple days if needed.

I use Ubuntu server as well and for me it mainly was that I was already familiar with the Ubuntu way of doing things. :D And Ubuntu Server has a few more convenience features like kernel livepatching. And I think the software on Ubuntu LTS is a bit less outdated than that on Debian stable

I'll have to take a look! Not heard of frigate, and thus far no, I'm not running Home Assistant.