this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Tipping 50% heals people. Abolish the "tipped minimum wage", but still. I don't like regular jobs that forbid their employees from accepting tips for no good reason either.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 34 points 2 days ago (1 children)

fake: OP tipping 50%

gay: owner packing his meat in a OP's pita pocket

[–] heartSagan5@lemmy.zip 6 points 2 days ago
[–] grue@lemmy.world 39 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I wish I lived near a kebab shop.

[–] treesapx@lemmy.world 34 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Be the kebab shop you wish to see in the world.

[–] grue@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

If I were ever to open a restaurant -- which I'm not -- it would be a deli.

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah I'll never understand why some folks in Europe are upset about immigrants from the Middle East. You never have to walk far to find kebab in most European cities.

[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Same reason Americans are upset about Mexicans even though they're never too far from some good tacos. Ignorance and racism.

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 day ago

I'll never understand that either

[–] Malica@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Me too. It's nowhere to be found in the usa :(

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Make your own! ThatDudeCanCook on youtube has a great video on making your own kebab meat.

[–] safesyrup@feddit.org 1 points 2 days ago

Falafel is the way

[–] ReluctantMuskrat@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

I'm in Kentucky of all places and I know of 2 "kabab shops" near me. They're growing in popularity.

[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 29 points 2 days ago (4 children)

If he always packs the kebab with more meat than usual, doesn’t that mean he just always packs the kebab with exactly as much meat as usual?.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 44 points 2 days ago (2 children)

No, it’s a monotonically increasing amount of meat

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I wonder how long we have left before a last ditch effort to maintain that pattern means all animal life needs to be used for meat.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

It is possible to monotonically increase and asymptotically approach a fixed boundary.

However, in real life you can't increase the amount of meat in a portion less than some amount of atoms, probably a cell is the smallest unit of meat, so we'll go with adding 1 cell of meat each kebab.

The smallest animal cell is apparently the sperm cell, but I don't think anon wants his kebab made with increasing amounts of animal jizz, so we'll instead go with muscle fibres instead.

According to scientists, there's around 630-ish Mt of domesticated animals on earth (eyeballing their python notebook). I'm pretty sure that includes cats/dogs/rats, but it's that or we measure with sperm on the kebab. Let's say the yield of meat is 50%, that's 275 Mt = 275e6 grams.

Apparently 1cm of meat is around ~1e7 cells (this is the weakest number in the analysis), so we have 275e6*1e7=2.75×10e15 total cells to distribute onto anon's kebabs.

Each kebab we have to add 1 more cell than the prior kebab (1 on day 1, 2 on day 2, and so on). The total number of cells consumed on kebab N is a triangle number, N * (N + 1) / 2, which we can solve to 74,161,984 kebabs. After which, there's simply not enough meat to make the remaining kebab.

Now, if we go back to the sperm example, I'm sure that could be renewably farmed, but the problem grows linearly in nature still.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

That gives the upper limit, but I have a feeling anon's kebab friend is far more generous that just increasing it by one cell per day and I think it's safe to assume that he's making larger pitas as the volume increases in appreciation of anon's generosity so I think he would hit the limit at least ten thousand years before your calculations suggest.

[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago

That’s what she said!

[–] Axolotl_cpp@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 2 days ago

Usual is referred to the standard quantity for all the other clients

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

More than the regular portion size

[–] Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 days ago

Not compared to the other customers.

Better question, if they always tip 50%, aren't they just paying for more meat?

[–] lemmygarden@lemmy.today 10 points 2 days ago

Kebab feeds people

[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

I'm so hungry right now.