I wish. I tend to have trouble thinking and saying what's on my mind. Probably due to years of suppressing all of my emotions and trying to avoid any trouble.
If there was an easy way to know myself again and just be, I'd happily do it.
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I wish. I tend to have trouble thinking and saying what's on my mind. Probably due to years of suppressing all of my emotions and trying to avoid any trouble.
If there was an easy way to know myself again and just be, I'd happily do it.
I've stopped caring quite so much and just fucking exist now.
I'm still scared but now I'm more physically comfortable.
"Find out who you are, and do it on purpose".
I mean to finally take Dolly's advice.
Only recently. Im trying to "unmask" around people but it can be difficult
Better if I don't fully embrace it, i would not be a good person if i would. I am uncaring, cold hearted, dismissive ass. Im already really asocial individual, leaning into that even more and that would eventually lead to becoming actively antisocial.
We are all unique in exactly the same way. I exist in a specific way that may be considered weird by others but I'm not trying to be weird. For me personally I'm reminded of a lyric in an old Adam and the Ants song..."It's the ones we don't see that always fascinate me".
I've been okay with being different for most of my life, but I also didn't know why I was different. I think if I knew I might not have been so easy-breezy about it because of internalized abelism.
I can accept that my way of relating to the world doesn't fit well in certain settings. I'm not happy in those setting either. That's why, for example, I will never work at a design firm. But alternatively, I have strengths that make me excellent at field work.
What does hurt is when people assume bad intentions from me, or certain communications problems. Like how asking questions when given instructions is seen as defiance.
It took me over a decade to fully internalise that I often don't actually care about the opinion of people who don't like me. I would much rather have a small group of people who see me as I am.
I still throw on the mask at times. But it's now out of convenience, rather than fear.
It's also worth noting something. We generally aren't very good at hiding our weirdness. NTs tend to pick up on that. It comes across as "creepy". If, instead, you let it show more, it doesn't trigger that response. Some people will still be judgemental as hell, but that can't be helped either way. It's akin to the uncanny valley effect.
Basically, let your weirdness show. Just be ready to talk about it with confidence.
lots of things clicked into place after reading Unmasking Autism, and I do try since