this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] TheFerrango@feddit.it 62 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Pizza shop is 4 minutes away

Orders delivery

Joke’s on OP

[–] nullspace@lemmy.world 32 points 1 month ago (14 children)

Ordering a personal taxi for your food instead of walking a few blocks is peak American.

[–] abysmalpoptart@lemmy.world 27 points 1 month ago

To be fair, typically in America (outside of major cities and certain planned neighborhoods), 4 minutes away implies by car. Even if driving only 20mph (unlikely), the pizza shop would be a minimum 1.3 miles away, which would be more like a 30+ minute walk for a pizza.

On top of that, there's almost no safe walking paths by design. You would likely have to traverse major roads with no sidewalks, crosswalks, or even pedestrian stop lights.

It's an unfortunate design that many are stuck with.

[–] HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago (13 children)

Unironically, yes.

It doesn't occur to most Americans to walk a bit instead of drive.

This is exacerbated by the design of American neighborhoods that discourages walking and encourages driving, which of course becomes a feedback loop where Americans don't walk because their neighborhoods aren't designed for it - or worse - designed against it.

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[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

You walk at a brisk pace!

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[–] arctanthrope@lemmy.world 59 points 1 month ago (2 children)

if an 8 minute round trip saves you $15, then you're essentially paying yourself $112.50/hr to be your own delivery driver

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And yet the delivery driver makes fuckall.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago

That's the part that's criminal about delivery fees not going to the driver. My nephew used to deliver for a pizza place but then switched to Uber Eats after his pizza company outsourced and fired all the drivers.

People place orders and see that they're paying a delivery fee, a service fee, and a higher menu price than ordering in the store and then think that they don't need to tip much (if anything) because surely that money is going to the driver doing the actual work and deliverying the food.

But nope, the driver gets paid very little for taking an order. The tip is the vast majority of their salary. My nephew will show me screenshots of orders that he gets that will be like "drive 10 miles to pickup the order, then 5 miles to picked the second piece of the order, then 10 miles to deliver it - for $2.00."

What's worse is that since companies have figured out they can hide this from consumers and get away with it, they've expanded to stuff like "same day delivery" from retail stores. Customers think "same day delivery" is the equivalent to an item being shipped, so would never consider tipping. But it turns out those services are also going through delivery drivers like Uber Eats, meaning someone will pick up a retail order in their own car and get paid next to nothing without tips (which most people don't even think to pay).

Tipping in lieu of salary is a scam.

[–] Ice@lemmy.zip 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yeah that's some pretty insane cost/benefit for time.

It's one of those things I like doing to encourage myself to do things. "OK so if I do this thing by myself, what am I 'getting paid'?"

...and then I compare that to the number of hours I'd have to work to earn the same amount of money (after taxes).

That's something my father taught me. Always consider what your time is worth. Invest 2 hours just to save 8 Euro? Not a great deal for most people.

[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If it's 4 minutes away why not walk? The fuck?

[–] Zorcron@lemmy.zip 43 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They probably mean a 4 minute drive, which would be like a 30 minute walk, assuming you can cross the 6-lane monstrosity of a road that the pizza place is on without being smushed by a lifted F-250.

[–] altkey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Or half a mile if you have a couple junctions with red lights ahead, like around the block. Anon could've been living in a flat over said pizza joint for all we know. Or they are just a liar, who also have a crush on delivery driver, so they order pizza to see them again.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I never had a hot delivery driver.

they should let you pay an extra fee for hot delivery drivers only. would def boost revenue.

[–] Lodespawn@aussie.zone 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I assume op just burned and extra $5 for fun as part of this whole interaction..

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Rawrosaurus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Is that not already included in the price in the US?

[–] iknewitwhenisawit@fedinsfw.app 5 points 1 month ago

Tax is not included in listed prices in the USA.

It's infuriating.

The state that I lived in there had a tax at restaurants. Each town was allowed to add up to a percent to that. Some did 0%, some 0.5% some 1%. Also, alcohol was taxed at a different rate.

So basically you had no idea what the actual cost for food would be when you ordered.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

taxes are almost never included in prices in the USA.

they are added on at the time of sale.

we do not have VAT. we have sales taxes. and those sales taxes are different in every city, and sometimes town/state.

and the items that are taxed are also different in every state, and sometimes city/town.

additionally some places have meal taxes, specifically for pre-made and restaurant food.

and many restaurants charge service fees now.

in my city, you would typically pay 7% tax, 2% fee, and 20% tip all added on top of the menu price.

which is why when I get a hamburger and a beer, and it's $30 on the menu, I actually pay $40 or more.

[–] Rawrosaurus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That sounds insanely frustrating to deal with.

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[–] sepiroth154@feddit.nl 3 points 1 month ago

He used coins as extra topping.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)

$10 + $7 + $2 or $3 = $19 or $20. Sales tax would be less than a dollar. Anon's unhealthy lifestyle is causing cognitive decline

[–] tmyakal@infosec.pub 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

sales tax would be less than a dollar

Entirely locality dependent. Where I live, tax on a $20 tab would be a little under $2. I know there's some municipalities where it'd be as high as $2.40.

So, sure, technically still not $25, but once you need more than a $20 bill, it's not obscene to round up to the nearest $5.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 4 points 1 month ago

Where I'm at, I'm pretty sure sales taxes aren't assessed on the fees, only on the product

[–] bequirtle@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

you see, the delivery fee is $7, but then you also have to pay $5 in "other fees", whatever that means

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[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago (10 children)

It's remarkable how much people will complain about delivery fees and refuse to cook themselves, or even go out and buy premade food

[–] ddplf@szmer.info 3 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I don't usually buy premade food in the supermarkets, but when I do - I'm super picky. The thing about them is that even the best meals I can find have too much salt. The ingredients are fine, it's really not hard to get meals that aren't superprocessed for cheap, but the macros are always off.

<2 grams of salt per serving is what I find unusually few in premade meals, and it's still an awful lot compared to what I'm personally adding when I cook.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

People who are used to eating that much salt just don't even notice when good is way too salty. I grew up eating whatever processed shit was put in front of me, but after reducing my salt and sugar intake years ago, I'm now acutely sensitive to food when it's too salty or sweet, which is a serious departure from my tastes when I was young

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[–] Bad_Ideas_In_Bulk@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

While there is nutrition value to some bugs, most grasses pass undigested through the human gut. We are not ruminants Also if you leave bugs for a chicken to eat, you can have eggs instead.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 2 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Don't mention keeping chickens on Lemmy, you'll get some vegan telling you how unethical it is to have a chicken and eat its eggs

[–] whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 month ago

eating bugs isn't vegan neither tho

[–] Bad_Ideas_In_Bulk@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

It's not possible to live according to the morals of everyone else. They're mutually contradictory with each other for one thing lol. I'm at peace with the idea that other people won't always agree with me.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Second anon is an illuminati lizard person shill tryna get people to eat bugs.

[–] moopet@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This post has literally inspired me to order a pizza for my lunch today rather than open the fridge.

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[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)
[–] iknewitwhenisawit@fedinsfw.app 2 points 1 month ago

I don't know if they deliver to the USA, but this electric pizza cooker is amazing:

https://a.aliexpress.com/_EHPM5iA

It gets twice as hot as a normal oven in a few minutes and makes amazing pizza. You can buy dough, pizza sauce, and shredded cheese - or make all of these from scratch very easily.

It doesn't take a lot of space. My rough estimate is that it uses the same electricity as cooking pizza in an oven.

If you're spending $25 on pizza then it will quickly pay for itself.

One downside is that it does take some space, so if you're in a really cramped living environment (dorm room, Manhattan apartment) then you might not have room. Also, you may end up eating a lot more pizza than you should...

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[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Many Americans don’t have healthy grass if they have grass in the first place. In many places in the US keeping a pristine grass yard requires a shit ton of human intervention, which means fertilizers and a ton of chemicals. Since grass isn’t native to those areas.

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[–] Mwa@thelemmy.club 4 points 1 month ago

There are delivery apps the delivery Fee is lower based on how near the restaurant is.

[–] DonkeyStar@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

One of the food delivery apps labeled something “long distance delivery” at five miles. I could walk that. I didn’t, but I certainly didn’t pay someone else to drive it.

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