Yeah.......... I think I can top that.

My parents took me to see MacBeth at a local theatre. Just me and them. I was 13 (third year at senior school).

In Act 1, Scene 3, three soldiers came down the centre aisle, and one stumbled on his sword, then they went up on stage and started talking about the battle. They were doing the general discussion about it, then one of the soldiers raised his sword and said "And he slashed at the enemy like THAT" (I can't remember the exact line for reasons that will become apparent) and he brought the sword down.

At which point the blade detached from the hilt and flew out into the audience and hit my dad in the chin.

(I'll just let you take that in for a moment - my dad got hit in the face by A BROADSWORD)

There's a moment of silence on stage because - I would imagine - the actors are all thinking "Fuck - we just killed a member of the audience with a fucking broadsword. That's not good" but when there are no screams of terror and/or "OH MY GOD HE'S DEAD" they carry on, albeit with expressions of "oh my god what the fuck" on their faces.

Meanwhile my mum is pulling tissues out of her purse because the phrase "who would have thought the old man had so much blood in him" really did not do the situation so much justice. He was bleeding like a fountain. But the problem was the aisle we were sat by were used in the play and ever so often soldiers kept charging up and down them. So she didn't want to take my dad up the aisle only to meet the Scottish Army coming the other way.

Eventually someone from the other side of the aisle (who was connected with the theatre) came over and took my dad out, then about ten minutes later my mum plucked up her courage and went out and up the aisle, leaving me sat alone in the dark watching the play and thinking "MY DAD JUST GOT HIT WITH A BROADSWORD AND NOW I'M ALONE IN A THEATRE!!!!" then a strange woman came and sat beside me and I know - don't talk to strangers, but honestly I was kind of glad not to be on my own any more.

They'd been taken to casualty, because apparently it was pretty serious (who knew getting hit in the face with a broadsword was serious?) and it seems that when he was taken into one of the curtained areas they overheard the person in the next area - who had a broken wrist - talking to her husband.

"This is taking a while"

"Yeah, but I just heard that the guy they brought into the next bed got stabbed in the face with a broadsword. So I guess I got off light"

Which kind of made them both laugh.

Anyway - they came back at the interval, and they told me it was all fine. Dad had some stitches, and the guy who swung the sword was full of apologies (he had been more scared than I was - really not a good night for him) and they gave us tickets for the following night for my parents and my two siblings. Apparently they understood why I didn't want to come back!

We watched the second half, then went home with quite a story to tell.

And when my English teacher asked me what I thought of MacBeth (he'd known I was going to the theatre) during class next day......... he was not expecting the story he got :)

It's been........ 40 years or so, and yeah -- the look on the guys face when the sword came apart? It stays with you.

Then my work here is done