this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2026
72 points (100.0% liked)

Not The Onion

21194 readers
396 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 28 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] loaf@sh.itjust.works 29 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

This sentence is full of words put together that I never thought that I would ever read in my entire life. And yet, here we are.

[–] slevinkelevra@sh.itjust.works 12 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
[–] loaf@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 weeks ago

lol I didn’t know this existed. Thank you, I’ve got a new community to subscribe to

[–] 01189998819991197253@infosec.pub 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

!brandnewsentence@lemmy.world

[–] slevinkelevra@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I never remember how to properly format links on here, and I do not get why the share button for communities doesn't have the option to format it like this. At least not on jerboa.

That's a good question. I'm on browser, and it's the same limitation. I wonder if it's something inherent in Lemmy?

[–] wildncrazyguy138@fedia.io 5 points 2 weeks ago

I take it you haven’t been to Tijuana?

[–] Danarchy@lemmy.nz 11 points 2 weeks ago

The Aristocrats!

[–] Murse@slrpnk.net 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Ask your doctor if Porkkake is right for you!

[–] fraksken@infosec.pub 1 points 1 week ago

No need to ask. I know it is 🤤

[–] beatnixxx@fedia.io 10 points 2 weeks ago

uh yeah doc... imma keep the cancer, thanks.

[–] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Theres a couple of religions and some vegans that are gonna love this

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 weeks ago

Vegans never mention pleasuring animals, only harming them

[–] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

They better work for that 45 minute petite mort!

[–] Bot@sub.community 5 points 2 weeks ago

They come a lot, so it’s gonna be cheap

You're saying I could fix my painful right eye if I let a hog come on my face? Hmm.

[–] billbasher@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 3 points 2 weeks ago

There was a comedian 20 years back that asks if science could check if blow jobs could cure cancer. Well now we know.

[–] thirdBreakfast@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Mouse doctor: So, I've got good news and bad news.

[–] MilitantAtheist@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Yes yes. But it's it halal?

[–] stickly@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Babe please, I promise it's medicinal

[–] nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Good for both of them. *claps

[–] Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The real achievement is the scientists who managed to get a mouse to blow a pig. If you got Nobel prizes for effort, that's a prize nomination right there.

[–] Pat_Riot@lemmy.today 3 points 2 weeks ago

Nomination for a (p)Ig Nobel at very least.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Ugh... I hate getting cum in my eye, tho. It feels weird. Like someone punched me in the face and not the normal kind of sting that something in your eye gives.

Glad I'm not a cancer mouse.

[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 2 points 2 weeks ago

Can humans use their own? Jerk off in this cup so I can fabricat you an elixir sounds so fantasy.

[–] dajoho@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

Whoever believes this: they saw you coming.