I keep waking in the night every night. Everything is depressing and scary. It feels like Iโm living in a different world to my normal one.
spoiler
Due to sods law my irl people are also busy and less available to talk to just now.
Going through photos and they just donโt seem as plentiful as they once did. (A lot are ruined too by a messy background, identifying information or I didnโt take especially good photos.) Those are all there will ever be of her now :(
I need to back these up somewhere off my phone and the cloud especially with Apple bringing in age verification or it could randomly decide there was something inappropriate and lock my account. Iโm just feeling overwhelmed. Thereโs quite a lot of data backup I need to do, should have done years ago, but I canโt seem to get organised. And it sets off my anxiety so badly I canโt finish. Iโll have to find time and ask for help.
I donโt feel capable of doing anything right now. Things will get worse as reality sets in but people will have moved on while Iโm still in it.
Melbcat was a constant support who was there no matter what and kept me going through other losses/the general shittiness of life as well as being deeply loved in her own right so this isnโt even a shadow of how bad Iโm going to feel. I pick her ashes up Tuesday. Autumn and winter are kind of looming.
The chances of going off a mental health cliff at some point are high.
