Trans

My partner is explicitly non-binary and sees gender as a problem to be solved.

I have kept my birth assigned gender because I see gender as a superfluous exercise, not worth wasting time or thought on.
I don't really identify with masculine or feminine personality traits, and I have no preference for pronouns.

Just as gender is a spectrum (not a binary decision), the amount you care about it can be too.
If fully transitioning sounds like too much effort, just do the bits that make you happy. If shaving your hair, or trying makeup for the first time makes you happy, then that can be enough.

I'm autistic and agender. Or I thought I was. Turns out my sense of… internal gender is on the list of senses that got mistuned from the factory and I actually really like being a girl now that I've tried it

i'm unsure what you mean by feelinf ambivalent about gender. i got some ideas:

1. ambivalent regarding the concept of gender: the existence of agenders has already been pointed out. even aside from agenders, people can dislike the societal system of gender, think it's "made up"^1^, annoying or the like, and still wish to place themselves in the binary. it took me long to accept myself as trans bc of this ambivalence, but i hate being seen as a man more than beeing seen as a woman. (i'm a little bit on an enby maybe.) also theres gender fluid people for whom the supposed canstance/peesistence of gender identity may not make that much sense.
2. ambivalent regarding their own gender identity: if someone feels like they are unsure what they are, not this but also not really that. it might be that they are still not allowing themselves to fully feel in this or that way. repression made it hard for me to even see that there is a big part of me, that wants femininity. it could also be that they are gender fluid, enby or agender, and thats why they don't have an "unambiguous"^2^ feeling of identity.

^1^ well i see the fun in being polemic, but english is also a societal construct much like gender: the signs and rules are arbitrary, highly conventional, and it has no individual architect. yet it is there, we can use it to communicate, enjoy, confuse, etc. ... 'made up' implies that it is easily dissmissed from the conversation and that's not the case i guess. sure there are different languages of gender culturally, but still. tgey exist and affect us.

^2^ that's a bad word right from the terminology and expectations of cis people. enbys, agenders and gender fluid persons are not beeing ambiguous when telling what they are. the predominant system of gender just doesn't know what to do.

hope, that helped in any capacity?

I'm agender.

For me I separate gender into three components.

1. The way I feel about myself
2. The body parts my physical body says are right
3. The way I present to society.

For #1, I never have felt an inherent gender and identify as agender.

For #2, I have always felt like my penis was not part of me or not supposed to be there and have always felt an ache in the perineum where I should be able to insert something. This lead me to wanting bottom surgery. And eventually I realized that breasts felt right.

For #3, I mostly got tired of how boring it is to appear male as well as the clothes. And I don't like the emotional repression involved in toxic masculinity. And finally, it is difficult to have parts of a woman and not appear as one due to the bathroom bills and other dangerous situations. So I present feminine.

Gender has many aspects, you dont have to force all of those aspects to the same extreme or the other.

I feel like being trans for me just means that my gender is now different to what I was assigned at birth. I still don't really know what my exact gender is and find the concept confusing. For cis people, I just default to the nearest cisgender gender, so female. But my real experience of gender changes almost daily, today I'd say I'm like 65% woman and 35% nonbinary feminine something fae etc etc.

Sure, there are lots of agender people and also various trans "gender is fake" people. The only real "requirement" for being trans is you wish to identify with gender differently than society expects you to. And even that feels like an incomplete definition.

Your brain can be wired to work better on a different sex hormone without any desire to express yourself differently. The two things are often linked but not always. You get people who feel great on estrogen but choose not to socially transition and people who hate estrogen but choose to live as a woman. (Swap genders if you're transmasc).

I would say being trans just means having dysphoria because of your gender/sex and wanting to change something about that, in the sense of transitioning to another gender/sex, i.e. transition socially/mediacally

I'm agender and feel that way sometimes.